Lost At Sea

[Jim Glockz]

At the beginning, I had never listened to those who submitted to hopes,
I preferred to live in the know, keeping it simple, I would drift in the flow,
Living out a prophesy, I have suspicions that life has forgotten me,
Sinking down, the waters deep, another sole becoming lost at sea,

Very good opener. Vivid and nice read to it.

My life has succumbed to slaughter, forgetting that you are a son or daughter.
If only there was footholds under water, but from my vision, there’s none on offer,
You once stood on the dock but the problem was, you never saw the drop,
Now consumed by the water’s talks, both in the ocean and on the rocks
You wish to redo the mess but at this point, it’s too late to rescue the dead,
It’s certain, just don’t lose your head at the signs of the storm, which brews ahead,

Very good imagery and concepts here. I like approach to the metaphor thus far. Its worded nicely.

Now at least, I understand what the problems are bound to be,
I hit the ground asleep, knowing my own choice is what’s drowning me,
My goals never stepped in sight, never birthing a child, or seen my wedding night,
Now I take my last breaths of life, for now, I’m still breathing, but I’m dead inside,
Last thoughts before my relapse are like “I repent, and hope, to see the after life”,

Thought the wording could have been stronger here...with having the goals of your life fall victim to you in this drowning metaphor.


Under the pressure, I collapse inside, only to feel arms that grasp me tight,
I push my head from below, feeling a desperate breath in my throat,
The repent I had shown, has me pulled to safety, my belief strengthens the rope,
I had, survived and, realise that it was due to the belief, that I had,
And now that I’ve realised that, I can dream to set foot on dry land,
I was lifted then, thrown on the ground, as I still submit to death,
Taken back as my lips were met, CRP given, so I could live again,
I thought my path would aim to hell, as my life was a mere case and shell,
I asked a name, and my saviour said “I am your faith….you just saved yourself”.

Very good ending. Again the concepts alone were nice and wording on some parts could have been stronger like this ending you created but still came out a nice read. Keep up the good writing fam.

[Erebus]

Thanks guys, really appretiate it.