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| | #1 (permalink) |
| A Visualizer Join Date: Jul 2009
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| Letter to Myself The Return Of A Champ --------------- I was livin my life in slow motion Constantly afraid to cause a commotion Drowning in an ocean of my fears Couldnt surface, i was stuck in first gear Locked in a cage, full of rage, everything went south found a page, wrote my rage, it spilled outta my mouth Its like i was at war with my world with my pen in my hand i'd be damned if i let myself sink in this sinking sand Now each verse i spit, keeps my blood pumping Now each rhyme i write, keeps my world bumping This rap shit really aint a game to me its the only thing increasing my life expectancy Finally I feel like i'm taking my first breath this is what it truly means to live life after death The mic gave me a chance to live again on a higher level Finally im flying high done dancing with the devil Im a fuckin rebel against the former me Never will he again exist in me Nowadays i feel like the rap epitome I just hope that this me will never cease to be The mic saved me from being one of the living dead Now these lines just flow outta my head What more could be said, now im livin life to the fullest mic in hand my present lifestyle is the truest Now my only wish is that im never forgotten Even when my body gone cold and rotten |
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| | #2 (permalink) |
| Untouchable Join Date: Mar 2007
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| This sounds like to me, an audio verse. I think your flow could benefit more from multies, give it a little extra, as of right now it's a little basic, your vocab could be upped also. You have some decent lines though, but this comes off to me as more of an audio than a text drop, something you could record and get more into than you can on text, just because of how basic it is. Not that it's a bad thing, just some things work best on audio than on text, and that's how this one comes off. I think it'd be a cool track though. But your flow could be upped like I said, your word usage actually wasn't too bad didn't see an exhaust of non sense. Wasn't bad, I see a ton of potential to be honest, keep writing man, welcome to the site
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| | #4 (permalink) |
| Street Soldier Join Date: Jun 2009
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| Drowning in an ocean of my fears i'd be damned if i let myself sink in this sinking sand A Couple Of Lines I Enjoyed ..... I Think Your Writing Could Be Stronger, You Can Formulate A Decent Line, But Now You Need To Learn How To Make A Great Line - One That Involves Multies And More Metaphors ..... This Was Pretty Basic And Simple, You Had A Limited Range Of Vocab, It Could Have Been Better And You Did It Over A Tiresome Subject, You Just Need To Write It More Originally For Something Like This To Stand Out .... You Do Have Potential Though, And You Are At The Right Place For Elevation Stick Around, You'll Learn A Lot |
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| | #5 (permalink) |
| Assassin Join Date: Dec 2006
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| yea man..u not bad..tha topik has been done a lott, i think u could expand or go mo in depth this would be much better..its very basik tho, simple..i think u could be mo original wit it, write it out a lil mo complex, by addin different elements..but its ok..looks like an audio verse to me as well..stick around ull elevate no doubt..juss takes sum practice an work..but it wasnt bad, juss didnt have a lott goin on here.. |
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| | #6 (permalink) |
| Assassin Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Strong Island, N.Y.
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| Yea .. u got mad potential, i can tell u could be a great writer if u keep workin at it Like said use multies/metas to spice it up.. u got the concepts down ..now jus work on it. good key
__________________ ![]() Philosophers Of Hip Hop!!! |
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| | #7 (permalink) |
| A Marked Man Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Kansas City
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| Keep on writing. The best feed I can give. You expressed yourself and your trying to find your style, just keep writing, about everything and everyone. Anything you can feel put it on a piece of paper. This shit was cool, but it was basic, and could have been built upon. Not that, that's bad, at all, don't get me wrong, but it's something that can be elevated. Keep it up. |
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