Mic saved me

[Ill Vibe]

http://www.rap-royalty.com/forum/tex...er-myself.html
http://www.rap-royalty.com/forum/tex...tml#post273444

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I was livin my life in slow motion
Constantly afraid to cause a commotion
Drowning in an ocean of my fears
Couldnt surface, i was stuck in first gear
Locked in a cage, full of rage, everything went south
found a page, wrote my rage, it spilled outta my mouth
Its like i was at war with my world with my pen in my hand
i'd be damned if i let myself sink in this sinking sand
Now each verse i spit, keeps my blood pumping
Now each rhyme i write, keeps my world bumping
This rap shit really aint a game to me
its the only thing increasing my life expectancy
Finally I feel like i'm taking my first breath
this is what it truly means to live life after death
The mic gave me a chance to live again on a higher level
Finally im flying high done dancing with the devil
Im a fuckin rebel against the former me
Never will he again exist in me
Nowadays i feel like the rap epitome
I just hope that this me will never cease to be
The mic saved me from being one of the living dead
Now these lines just flow outta my head
What more could be said, now im livin life to the fullest
mic in hand my present lifestyle is the truest
Now my only wish is that im never forgotten
Even when my body gone cold and rotten

[WHITE POWdER]

This sounds like to me, an audio verse. I think your flow could benefit more from multies, give it a little extra, as of right now it's a little basic, your vocab could be upped also. You have some decent lines though, but this comes off to me as more of an audio than a text drop, something you could record and get more into than you can on text, just because of how basic it is. Not that it's a bad thing, just some things work best on audio than on text, and that's how this one comes off. I think it'd be a cool track though. But your flow could be upped like I said, your word usage actually wasn't too bad didn't see an exhaust of non sense. Wasn't bad, I see a ton of potential to be honest, keep writing man, welcome to the site

[Ill Vibe]

aight man thanks, i appreciate all the feedback

[Aikopw]

Drowning in an ocean of my fears

i'd be damned if i let myself sink in this sinking sand

A Couple Of Lines I Enjoyed ..... I Think Your Writing Could Be Stronger, You Can Formulate A Decent Line, But Now You Need To Learn How To Make A Great Line - One That Involves Multies And More Metaphors ..... This Was Pretty Basic And Simple, You Had A Limited Range Of Vocab, It Could Have Been Better And You Did It Over A Tiresome Subject, You Just Need To Write It More Originally For Something Like This To Stand Out .... You Do Have Potential Though, And You Are At The Right Place For Elevation

Stick Around, You'll Learn A Lot

[Kremlin]

yea man..u not bad..tha topik has been done a lott, i think u could expand or go mo in depth this would be much better..its very basik tho, simple..i think u could be mo original wit it, write it out a lil mo complex, by addin different elements..but its ok..looks like an audio verse to me as well..stick around ull elevate no doubt..juss takes sum practice an work..but it wasnt bad, juss didnt have a lott goin on here..

[Logic 1]

Yea .. u got mad potential, i can tell u could be a great writer if u keep workin at it
Like said use multies/metas to spice it up.. u got the concepts down ..now jus work on it. good key

[Nietzsche]

Keep on writing. The best feed I can give. You expressed yourself and your trying to find your style, just keep writing, about everything and everyone. Anything you can feel put it on a piece of paper. This shit was cool, but it was basic, and could have been built upon. Not that, that's bad, at all, don't get me wrong, but it's something that can be elevated. Keep it up.

[Seige]

i like that man you got mad potential just keep at it