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Old 02-11-2018, 10:15 PM   #1
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Default Ballad Of A Cyberpunk



I see her there across the bar, my yearns' become a thirst.
I can barely catch my breath, my lungs begun to burst.
She's happier without me, my words speak up to curse.
I dock to charge, the shock is harsh - it hurts because, it hurts.


Emo-tech and DLC, the piracy of woes.
Piously it rose up, like a dynasty of throes.
Alcohol and drugs are free, sobriety's opposed,
exchanged for masochistic tendencies, society's imposed.

Bio-Mech - a giant brand of nano tech today,
branched from a military manufacturer of ammo, weapons, tanks,
missiles, nukes, pistols, boots - a vast corrupt supply...
of cybernetic viruses of mass destruction type.
But that was 80 years ago, technologies' advanced,
The board walked-out, protesting their democracies and stance.
A rival I-T tech and CEO, had hostilely financed,
a systematic takeover and monopoly of chance.

They spent billions on the research, hours inside the clinic,
time was tickin', minds were stricken, developers advised against it.
Denied admission to universities, but crossed the line of scrimmage,
The genome code was cracked and now? The sky's the limit!

Now it's microchips and implants, flight to Saturn in the plans?
All it takes now is an upgrade -(DNA)- electrode patterns in the strand.
Integrated smart devices, dual-tel camera screens,
eye-phones powered by super capacitors, and fuel cell batteries.
If your oxytocin levels low, they make an app for that.
The price is steep to splice your grief, so savin' stacks of cash,
make the acquisition hard, when facing facts is daft.
The opposition digitized, have hastened acts of hack,
The virus spread inside our head, awakened from the past.
Techno-organic nanobots now feeding on our brains
The daily antidote uploaded, thus keeping us at bay.

So we sit here in these pubs, garnish pleasure and it seems,
our minds crafted every brick and stone - an architectured dream.
A virtual reality, as mentally perceived,
make us ignorant to the government, that centrally deceives.
Here I am, third time this week, I've got my ex to see,
digitally induced endorphins, - the devil's recipe.
a special therapy, for me is pain, I revel breathlessly.

I'll spend my life inside this plight, deprived of our reunion.
The memories I made today, remind me that I'm Human.

but - I see her there across the bar, my yearns' become a thirst.
I can barely catch my breath, my lungs begun to burst.
She's happier without me, my words speak up to curse.
I dock to charge, the shock is harsh - it hurts because, it hurts.



Links :
http://www.rap-royalty.com/forum/tex...ce-ascent.html
http://www.rap-royalty.com/forum/tex...ng-guitar.html
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Last edited by Rude; 02-11-2018 at 10:22 PM..
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Old 02-11-2018, 10:15 PM   #2
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ATTENTION Rude,

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This is a reminder -- make sure it's at least 4-5 sentences of feedback. We like to give quality feedback here, not bullshit where nobody improves. It's about everyone, not just one person :). Your post will be removed if you have not done this. Hop on it if you have not already.


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Old 02-12-2018, 12:23 PM   #3
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First of all, nice topic. It's cool to see something with a sci-fi twist. Aside from a few songs here and there, I don't see too much of that. Deltron 3030 and MC Frontalot are the only ones that I can really think of off the top of my head.

Excellent employment of unusual terms. I greatly enjoyed the 3rd-to-last verse and the runs of techno-speak. Reminds me of reading Neuromancer. Although I had some trouble decoding the flow/rhyme scheme of the second and fourth verses. Do you have an accent, or is there some unusual pronunciation you're using? I'm just having some trouble making sense of a few parts.
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Old 02-12-2018, 09:38 PM   #4
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So yeah, this is classic rude. I mean, the vocab. The concept. Th imagery. The motherfuckin flow....what else is there to say. A well deserved win, friend. Ok down to the nitty gritty.

That first and last stanza really hit hard. I felt it easily encapsulate what I WOULD have submitted in but a few poignant lines. In particular the very last line.

Quote:
I dock to charge. The shock is harsh. It hurts, because it hurts
.

The entendre fairly obvious but i’d Prefer to touch on the more emotional side of it. The concluding sentence which seeming played as a repeat held much nuance (which i’m Very much appreciative of). Obviously the sentimentality of it wouldn’t work without the body. You went most of the way juxtaposing techno-babble but with a very understated pathos the seems to build up to that final punch at the end. I felt the whole piece was an orchestra but within the grand scope, a single violin seem to be saying: despite the entertaining sensationalism of the day, don’t forget about our “humanity”. This was great, Rude. Well done.
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Rude (02-15-2018)
Old 02-14-2018, 02:36 PM   #5
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The italic stanzas were my favorite, especially loved that "it hurts because, it hurts" part. Really deep for something so small. The idea of the piece to me went from ex lover's quarrel to Ridley Scott scientific. Which isn't bad and feel free to PM me if I'm off by the was I translated it. The wording was really solid from start to finish and your rhyme scheme as per usual was very consistent. I liked this a lot for a narrative read. I'd nominate it but somebody already has. So. Keep it up and let's collaborate again soon.
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Old 02-14-2018, 07:42 PM   #6
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I've been fascinated with the concept of cyberpunk for quite awhile now... probably since I watched 964 Pinocchio. so needless to say, I was intrigued by the title and definitely had to read. Helps that you also wrote it. Anyway... I liked this piece. Reminded me a bit of @(SELF ACTIVATE)'s piece in the pay-per-view. Had a lot of quality writing with finely tuned lines. The flow was a highlight for me in how you used a lot of syllables and multies through out the piece keeping it honest. Added in with the fact you worked with a strong vocabulary in the mix made it that much better.

The virus spread inside our head, awakened from the past.

So we sit here in these pubs, garnish pleasure and it seems,
our minds crafted every brick and stone - an architectured dream.
A virtual reality, as mentally perceived,
make us ignorant to the government, that centrally deceives.

I'll spend my life inside this plight, deprived of our reunion.
The memories I made today, remind me that I'm Human.

Had to be my favorite parts of this written.

I really liked the idea, the concept is very original, blended well with the picture you used. A very fresh take, something that stands out in a good way and was well written. Nice one.
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Old 02-15-2018, 10:32 PM   #7
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Default Greatttttt

Hi! I have just finished a beat, I loved the lyrics, would you want me to send you the beat so you can record your voice over it?
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