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Text Drops Keystyles, poems, written raps, songs, lyrics, rap battles, freestyles you've done looking for critique -- can be posted here for feedback.
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Old 11-13-2017, 07:22 PM   #1
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In pain for too long
I say Spectacular stay strong
things are getting rough
People by my side when things get tough
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but the healing remain
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Old 11-13-2017, 07:25 PM   #2
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ATTENTION Spectacular,

Two Feedback Links Required: Must give quality, detailed feedback to two people's work.

This is a reminder -- make sure it's at least 4-5 sentences of feedback. We like to give quality feedback here, not bullshit where nobody improves. It's about everyone, not just one person :). Your post will be removed if you have not done this. Hop on it if you have not already.


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Old 11-14-2017, 12:32 AM   #3
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Its very short its minimal detail the bars depth is underdeveloped imo. Its short n sweet but i think you could do much better.... There are so many aspects to writing even short bars can be crazy impactful

Look for Hashis post 230 likes
" SORRY GAVE WRONG LINK IT WORKS NOW"
Hes so good i wrote a verse for him hell be the top comment
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Last edited by Triple Hero; 11-16-2017 at 07:26 AM..
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Old 11-14-2017, 12:46 AM   #4
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Old 11-14-2017, 02:06 PM   #5
 
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Beautiful

Amazing

Wow

Prose

Bars

Loved this

You strong

Independent

C
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Thanks, Rude!


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I love kindle, you get swindled, by the Charlatan
Who brings romance like a Harlequin
Authorities hunting me down for years
From every city I leave a trail of tears
If you scared? You should be afraid my dears
Stay away from the magician who never reappears, cause yo

[Chorus]
Oh, oh no oh they got me on the run
Away from the sun, the sun the sun

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Old 11-14-2017, 02:57 PM   #6
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Fiiirreeeeee
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Old 11-14-2017, 03:50 PM   #7
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Great to see you posting... even though this was short, happy to see you posting.

I thought is was a beautiful little piece. It showed struggle and hardship, but you stay positive at the end. Then you gave a reason for your strength. It is inspiring and I think you should be writing more. Just write and release and don't worry about the outcome, because the more you write the better you get.

Good stuff, keep it coming and keep you head up. When things are down, they always go back up.
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Old 11-14-2017, 04:42 PM   #8
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A bit short for me, dawg. Should have expanded on it more. Seems like you had an idea and was afraid to take it to the next level.

Keep writing.
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Old 11-14-2017, 05:58 PM   #9
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Yea, it's small, but aye you put a lot of feeling into just those lines. Deep enough or not, it's poetry so that's somethin. Think it would be cool if you wrote somethin a little longer. See what more you got to say.
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Old 11-15-2017, 06:20 AM   #10
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This piece too small, Spec. I like reading your shit because it gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside, but you need to do more with your bars. You're giving a bunch of feedback to peeps to post this up, so you might as well spend some time and do what you can. You need to make things a little more complicated. Alternatively, why not venture into the audio section? You'll get more play over there if you've got good delivery and flow. Get yourself a mic and join the rest of us.

Peace.
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