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Old 10-10-2017, 05:23 PM   #1
 
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I never knew those problems you had was 'you' seeking some help,
My impulses refract, every gulp in this mask keeps teaching me.

A constant need to repel those problems you had? I've always seen in myself.
I don't know, maybe I needed the help but I was just the freak who would yell,

I'm always freaking out.



There's a beast in this shell, something I've always hated to see in myself,
slow it down, let me rewind, it's only because I didn't believe it would help,

Now I see it myself. Every night I'd get home, I'd let it all sleep on the shelf,
sort of like a collage of problems, a reminder to things I keep to myself.

My silver lining's a neurotic mess, fighting this caustic stress as it all tends to echo,
Bong rips til I'd get strep throat, I'd smoke out the obvious til all I'd feel is I'm needing the help.

That's only a fading feeling that sleeps in myself.
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I love kindle, you get swindled, by the Charlatan
Who brings romance like a Harlequin
Authorities hunting me down for years
From every city I leave a trail of tears
If you scared? You should be afraid my dears
Stay away from the magician who never reappears, cause yo

[Chorus]
Oh, oh no oh they got me on the run
Away from the sun, the sun the sun


Last edited by Timmy Giblets; 10-10-2017 at 05:35 PM..
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Old 10-10-2017, 05:24 PM   #2
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ATTENTION Ombre Du Muerte,

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Old 10-10-2017, 05:37 PM   #3
 
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edited:

http://www.rap-royalty.com/forum/tex...tml#post787285
http://www.rap-royalty.com/forum/tex...-not-need.html
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I love kindle, you get swindled, by the Charlatan
Who brings romance like a Harlequin
Authorities hunting me down for years
From every city I leave a trail of tears
If you scared? You should be afraid my dears
Stay away from the magician who never reappears, cause yo

[Chorus]
Oh, oh no oh they got me on the run
Away from the sun, the sun the sun


Last edited by Timmy Giblets; 10-10-2017 at 11:41 PM..
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Old 10-10-2017, 06:00 PM   #4
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This was a pretty cool poem. Something most people can relate to nowadays with anxiety and depression being such a major issue. I liked the images incorporated within the lines, literally. Anybody that tries to read this as a topical will be confused due to the repetitiveness but if they read it as I'm assumed it's suppose to be read, as a poem, then they'll see the originality and beauty in it. Overall, a dope little poem. I liked it.
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Old 10-10-2017, 11:42 PM   #5
 
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Thanks for that feed, @The Villain .... @Rude inspired it with the hyperlink suggestion so I used it as a means to express the metaphors with images relating to it. I got your piece tomorrow.
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I love kindle, you get swindled, by the Charlatan
Who brings romance like a Harlequin
Authorities hunting me down for years
From every city I leave a trail of tears
If you scared? You should be afraid my dears
Stay away from the magician who never reappears, cause yo

[Chorus]
Oh, oh no oh they got me on the run
Away from the sun, the sun the sun

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Old 10-11-2017, 10:28 PM   #6
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Very dope piece felt sporadic but that's how our thoughts can be at times, nice use of imagery and lot of dope ideas came together in this.
It's a short drop and it's structure is a little off putting but since this is the mind of a anxious man I feel like that's on purpose. Dope little mind Cody keep em coming.
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Old 10-12-2017, 01:05 PM   #7
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I never knew those problems you had was 'you' seeking some help,
My impulses refract, every gulp in this mask keeps teaching me.

A constant need to repel those problems you had? I've always seen in myself.
I don't know, maybe I needed the help but I was just the freak who would yell,

I'm always freaking out.

ok so just to get it outta the way i really liked the add on of the pics in the verse i think they help paint a new light for your concept. anywhooooo, i would've loved the opening line a whole lot more if you dropped the some from it. to ME i think it stands the test of the line WITHOUT the use. "you seeking help" - where like "some" diminishes it slightly. i'd also substitute those for the, sounds better to ME, again ME. beyond the little wording i liked this passage to begin and the illustrations are cool


There's a beast in this shell, something I've always hated to see in myself,
slow it down, let me rewind, it's only because I didn't believe it would help,

Now I see it myself. Every night I'd get home, I'd let it all sleep on the shelf,
sort of like a collage of problems, a reminder to things I keep to myself.


if there were like ever a time to use stealth i would've loved it at this part to not only help with the scheme but i also think it would've integrated seamlessly into the IDEA. chopping out "sort of like" into "a collage of problems in stealth -> a reminder to things i keep to myself. but i still really liked the idea, the first 3 lines were soooo good


My silver lining's a neurotic mess, fighting this caustic stress as it all tends to echo,
Bong rips til I'd get strep throat, I'd smoke out the obvious til all I'd feel is I'm needing the help.

That's only a fading feeling that sleeps in myself.


this was great how it is, really liked the closing line as you had done really well to that point and to bring it back around felt like the perfect way to end this. really good verse with just something i thought mightve helped it turn out even better but for how it is now it's really good! thanks for the read
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Old 10-13-2017, 05:10 PM   #8
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A quick written from you on a slightly different level. I can appreciate you trying something new and different, adds another level to your writing style to deploy when you feel you want to rather than sticking to the same formula. Good to get out of your comfort zone a slight bit. I think the content is something most will be able to relate to. It's not going into a lot of depth and I don't think the idea really needs to when you write it in a way that describes the feeling as you do here. I thought you did a fine job in conjuring up that aspect. Didn't quite care for the "bong rip" as the wording wasn't nearly as good or classy as the rest was, but I understand why you went there.

"My silver lining's a neurotic mess, fighting this caustic stress as it all tends to echo,"

Was perhaps my favorite line, outside of the last one. A pretty solid read, the visuals were a nice touch, I think. Good work.
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Old 10-14-2017, 12:03 PM   #9
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Quote:
I never knew those problems you had was 'you' seeking some help,
My impulses refract, every gulp in this mask keeps teaching me.

A constant need to repel those problems you had? I've always seen in myself.
I don't know, maybe I needed the help but I was just the freak who would yell,

I'm always freaking out.

There's a beast in this shell, something I've always hated to see in myself,
slow it down, let me rewind, it's only because I didn't believe it would help,

Now I see it myself. Every night I'd get home, I'd let it all sleep on the shelf,
sort of like a collage of problems, a reminder to things I keep to myself.

My silver lining's a neurotic mess, fighting this caustic stress as it all tends to echo,
Bong rips til I'd get strep throat, I'd smoke out the obvious til all I'd feel is I'm needing the help.

That's only a fading feeling that sleeps in myself.
ok, so hyperlinking through the verse, was actually way better than what I had in mind tbh
+kudos for thinking of this it made each line exciting. I'm not going to lie, as I'm reading thru
and clicking the pictures along with the verse I'm thinking "ok these seem to be random?"
but then I got to the line with "My silver lining's a neurotic mess" and it pulled it all together for me. I like the analogy you created in the beginning by comparing someone else's issues
to underlying ones you never seen in yourself.

"there's a beast in this shell, somethng I've always hated to see in myself"
ah I like this line so much, it's definitely relatable.
"a collage of problems, a reminder to things I keep to myself"
man this one too, hits home.

and the last line that closes it is pretty dope. It took me a minute to see the connection between some of the pictures and the lines but once it clicked, it hit.
'
also side note the pic in the middle reminds me of a horrorcore rapper - lo key's mask
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