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Text Drops Keystyles, poems, written raps, songs, lyrics, rap battles, freestyles you've done looking for critique -- can be posted here for feedback.
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Old 09-13-2017, 02:27 AM   #1
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You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody's crazy. I never thought I was normal, never tried to be normal. I can't dislike you, but I will say this to you: you haven't got long before you are all going to kill yourselves, because you are all crazy. And you can project it back at me, but I am only what lives inside each and every one of you. From the world of darkness I did loose demons and devils in the power of scorpions to torment.

They call me Charles Manson
80 motherfuckers dead in the junction
Where's your fucking gumption?
Is it with Sharon getting an abortion in laceration?
It's all right, we can still function!
I got the steel in a smelter, feel Helter Skelter
You swear in dreams I turned you to a murder
You probably think I'm talking about the family
But I'm talking about what runs in my mentality
I'm opening up, let's see if you believe my reality!
Voices screaming noises pounding my brain is voiceless,
Noiseless words work my lips it's irked vocal slips
Whenever I think back and reminisce on mental trips!

They Dispute whether i'm the oddest character they've seen
I think I'm normal, waving my dick in your granny & old lady's face ain't obscene
They've seen my ball sack whisper with carnivorous teeth, cause when I ravage those lips and my sack slaps I'm eating that pussy
This is gonna be some shit you can't unsee, I hope you know what I mean

Satan's talking to me!
I went from scribing about rhinoceros trees to demonic energies!
Mentality of a mental bender for all to see as I plant my seed
Between your teeth, see your eyes widen in surprise
I'mma slip in your lips like DMís, sleek & sly bitch open wide
I heard my name's on your mind gotta bump lines with my Mist
Sniff & open your mind, I'll whip out my dick & levitate, flick the tip & smash minds
I fuck mine through eye sockets pop it, lock it,
BLAST!
You're mind fucked how long will you last, will you blow that whistle or Outlast
BLAST!
I'm back in the past last time I checked it was the first time I smashed skulls
BLAST!
Was that a reference or entendre? I guess ribs fillet
Don't get in this trade, I just laid my membrane it's finna be self shame

I swear those entendres will be linked or it'll deadpan
It's Pan, in a knife fight with Edward Scissorhands stabbing his dad
This has panned out long enough, no mass my name's banned that's a dead Pan,
My headís slammed in a cooking pan by my best man, I separated my own hand
Gained prosthetics & changed name to Edward with scissors for hands gotta cut the fat 'fore I go ham
Troll chats, laugh, threaten to make bombs, laugh
BLAM
I'm with Pan, he's in the back & I'm getting slammed
Damn.

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Old 09-13-2017, 02:31 AM   #2
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ATTENTION EUNIQE,

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This is a reminder -- make sure it's at least 4-5 sentences of feedback. We like to give quality feedback here, not bullshit where nobody improves. It's about everyone, not just one person :). Your post will be removed if you have not done this. Hop on it if you have not already.


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Old 09-18-2017, 12:56 PM   #3
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"I did loose demons ..." -- are you forgetting a word here or did you mean lose? Let? Anyway, this was not quite what I was expecting from the introduction. The first verse ran like something you'd normally write and I was still half with you. Then the next little bit I could feel the fading essence of my interest dissipate. Nothing wrong with writing things like this, it just doesn't do anything for me after all of these years so it's hard to keep me engaged. Seems like you had fun doing a small impression of Eminem meets Tech Nine. Probably make for a far more interesting and entertaining audio for me than it does as a text. You have some decent ideas and this seems to play into your wheelhouse. Lots of references to various things and seemed like you were playing with your flow at times. cool for what it is, just not my preferred style of reading at this point in time.

"But I'm talking about what runs in my mentality
I'm opening up, let's see if you believe my reality!
Voices screaming noises pounding my brain is voiceless,"

Were my favorite three lines out of this read.
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"Psychological inbreeding -- groups of people who conspire to believe in the same myths. They spew superstitions and conspiracy theories at each other until it all coagulates into a set of specific brand-name bullshit. Big Foot, orbs, the Illuminati, and the grey are examples of this."
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