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Old 04-21-2017, 04:32 AM   #1
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Default Winter or: How I Learned To Be Mad About Love

This piece is a follow up/sister piece to Summer, so read this first if you want context: http://www.rap-royalty.com/forum/tex...bout-love.html


The flow is supposed to be a sort of moderate stop and go type deal.

Winter or: How I Learned To Be Mad About Love

One day everybody gotta die.
Today, somebody gonna die.


Hit the bitch up like (gunshots from beat)

Bitch, you don't remember grinding on my dick?
Bitch, bet your boy don't know shit about this
Imma let the whole world know about it, bitch
When I think about the lies I get sick, bitch
Hoe, lemme solve the mystery
Bitch, lemme jog your memory
Trick, I'll remind you of our history
Chose him over me and he cheated on ya, trick
I'mma scream this shit til your face is heated, chick
Led me by the hand, and you still got back with ya man
Didn't even tell me, damn, girl do the math, who's greata than?
Yeah you mighta been with M, but did our flirtin ever end?
Liked his grandma's house so you moved in, what about those texts we would send?

(Gunshots from beat)

How about when he was sleep, and you were ridin' in my Jeep
How you used to sneak out without a peep and slide into my seat
Bitch, you ain't gon' tell him bout the kiss?
Bitch you gon' act like you ain't wanted this?
Dude checked your phone, huh?
He told you to leave me lone, huh?

Honestly the thing that pisses me off the most is that you denied what was going on. You demonized me while you stayed his pretty little angel. Shit I realized my mistake and I'm owning up to it. When are you gonna tell him? When are gonna tell him why you have a picture on Instagram with my shirt on? I'm done with the story.

Now I'm just gonna shit on you.

I'mma put this bitch in the grinder like her name was Mary
Hear me? Hoe gon' think I'm playin til I show up be-hind her
With some gas and a match, bitch this is gon' be a blast
Hoe you daft, can't believe I used to think you were a catch
Casted all the demons outta me, Satan, Lucifer, and Tiffany
Wish me and him could be men and realize she's the captain, we the infantry
Who gon' take care of that baby, his grandma?
Just ask, I'll lend a helping hand, ma

One day every body gotta die
Cunt.


http://www.rap-royalty.com/forum/tex...ther-time.html
http://www.rap-royalty.com/forum/tex...-devotion.html
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Last edited by matheny.; 04-21-2017 at 04:36 AM..
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Old 04-21-2017, 04:33 AM   #2
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Old 04-21-2017, 02:11 PM   #3
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I really can't get a feel for this. The topic is a lot different than something I'd listen to. There is excessive use of the word bitch. The title really led me to expect something completely different. This seems a lot more oriented towards an audio. It was pretty simple too. The flow is fine and structure seems right. I don't know how you intended it to go to the beat but you may want to just do this as an audio. Sorry, this is just different from the kind of things that I tend to like.

I read a bit of the summer piece you linked too. That is something I could actually work with. Even the opening line to it gives a different vibe and something I can follow. I'll try to feed it, if I don't forget.
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Last edited by Apocalyst; 04-21-2017 at 02:15 PM..
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Old 04-21-2017, 04:05 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Apocalyst View Post
I really can't get a feel for this. The topic is a lot different than something I'd listen to. There is excessive use of the word bitch. The title really led me to expect something completely different. This seems a lot more oriented towards an audio. It was pretty simple too. The flow is fine and structure seems right. I don't know how you intended it to go to the beat but you may want to just do this as an audio. Sorry, this is just different from the kind of things that I tend to like.

I read a bit of the summer piece you linked too. That is something I could actually work with. Even the opening line to it gives a different vibe and something I can follow. I'll try to feed it, if I don't forget.
I understand the whole "not my cup of tea" thing and I respect it. I like using duality and repetition as literary devices. The two pieces are supposed to be a mirror of each other, Summer being more depressing but reminiscent, while Winter is supposed to be up front, in your face, basically a diss track. The repetition of "bitch" "hoe" and "trick" are obviously used to voice my displeasure with said person but all of them are bolded and in red for a reason. The only non-insult that is bolded in red is her name. Basically supposed to be saying that those words and her name are one and the same for me. Appreciate the feedback though.

http://www.rap-royalty.com/forum/tex...n-purpose.html
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Old 04-24-2017, 10:44 PM   #5
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Bump

http://www.rap-royalty.com/forum/tex...tml#post769869
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Old 04-25-2017, 05:08 PM   #6
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@matheny.

I fed the Summer How I Learned to Be Sad About Love before this one so wanted to make sure to do this one too.

Although I can see how others could do what Apocalyst seemed to do at first and take this as something other than intended if it's only read "as is" without the context of the first release, I think reading the first one is a must before someone reads this one because otherwise it's like only hearing the tail end of a conversation without knowing what was said before it to provide the true background for it.

I think the first one sets this one up pretty well. Usually (generally) anger is masking hurt and because I read the first one it's easy to see that's what went on here.

I could feel the emotion of the character grow unhinged after the rejection and how it turned into the fury. I wanted to tell the dude don't get all up in your feelings like that over a woman man, there are plenty more out there, but it was obvious the character was head over heels about her and went into "If I can't have you no one can" fatal attraction mode here with this one.

Without getting into too many specific details, I think you did a good job of capturing what that character must have felt like and painted a solid picture of his descent into insanity after he loses it.

I like the way you made the whole story a series like this and think it might also be cool to see them remade into just one to see how it would play out. Of course, that would be challenging to say more with less but I think it would turn into a dope verse or song if you pulled it off right. Otherwise even a part 3 for the aftermath could be interesting. Enjoyed the audio to show what you used to write it too.
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Old 04-27-2017, 12:35 PM   #7
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I'm not really too sure about pieces like this. Am I supposed to imagine how you're flowing this over a beat? Why don't you just rap this stuff? It's like I'm trying to do half the work for you. I understand you're trying to give us a general idea, but I can't get with that. I can't give an accurate judgement on that. The beat is alright, but it's not something I'd rap over it. It sounds dark enough for the content.

I don't have a problem with the repetition of the word 'bitch'. If it's coupled with an aggressive delivery, which I suspect it would be, it serves to drive home the disdain. Repetition isn't to be frowned upon. I grew up with Grime music, so I've got a lot of tolerance for repetition in music.

The lyrics are fairly simple, but the message is clear. What's missing? The actual performance. This needs be performed over an instrumental. If you're not capable of doing that, I suggest you give this piece to somebody else. If you are capable of doing it, what's stopping you? I'd be more than happy to listen to this over a beat. If it's an equipment issue, fair enough.

The ending was very blunt, but that word makes me cringe. It was a 'correct' decision to use it once.

Overall? Not too shabby. It's not really a poetry piece like that, and it's not super technical, but there's a sort of... spitting aggression that would translate well to AUDIO.

Peace.

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Old 05-01-2017, 05:05 PM   #8
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Damn, son. You were mad, be real. Nah, jokes.


This was alright. Really simple, easy to follow type stuff. The subject matter isn't anything new though, which is unfortunate but none the less you writing it is appreciated. Always gotta give motivation to the new generation to carry on after us. Respect for the verse.
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Old 05-02-2017, 12:30 PM   #9
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Upon reading the title of this piece, I was anticipating something more poetic with a deeper grasp and possibly a more artistically visual play on emotions. Not that you're lacking emotion overall - you were angry as fuck or so it appears. Aggression translates well, why does every dude love the word bitch??!

The vocabulary left me wanting something more, I'm not sure if you intended to make this such a simple piece - even so, with a better choice of vocabulary maybe it would have came together in a stronger sense.

I did read your other piece first, which in turn made this easier to digest. Have to agree that I'd probably have enjoyed this on a whole other level if it were done in an audio format.

Did enjoy reading it as well as your other piece.
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