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| | #1 (permalink) |
| Iller Than Thou Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Richmond Hill , New York
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| Links: http://rap-royalty.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=15583 (J-Oh's " Every Time I Look Back " ) http://rap-royalty.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=15581 (Graphik's " IDOM Stand Up! " ) Before you say anything , yes I realize the " bar " that you're used to is different and it's written in a weird way . I wrote this a long time ago, probably two years ago for a topical battle . I just wanted to get something posted here at RR to get something out there . No need to feed if you don't want to . Just my attempt to be social aware . Hi . . . You don't know me . . . Let me introduce myself . . . I give birth but take lives , live on Earth where my fate lies // 1 And battle the demons inside for reasons in mind / That seemingly coincide from appeasing me in time // 2 It's callings of cataclysm , when I combat with myself / The first sign of falling that'll envision, then some that in it for wealth // 3 As some friends are enemies in disguise , feeding me these lies // 4 Probably because I'm not the easiest to get along with / And peace ? I don't believe in this for it's gone quick // 5 I tend to overstay my welcome , but move in circles / If I'm hit with pain then I tend to bruise in purple // 6 Intelligent I am , however , some things I just don't understand // 7 How I build structures and chaos, obstructers are way off / Youngsters daze off , and violences punctures the days off // 8 It's like I must destroy what I build , before I am killed // 9 But yet , these hands of mine left prints in the sands of time / . . . Hello , my name is Mankind . . . // 10 |
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| | #2 (permalink) |
| A Nobody Join Date: Dec 2007
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| it was a good concept flowed nicely in some parts and really liked these bars Probably because I'm not the easiest to get along with / And peace ? I don't believe in this for it's gone quick // 5 I tend to overstay my welcome , but move in circles / If I'm hit with pain then I tend to bruise in purple // 6 |
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| | #3 (permalink) |
| Untouchable Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Sicklerville NJ
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| very nice topical. structure wasnt bad at all...just read it for wat it was and it flowed fine for me. Good take on the topic to..very creative way to address it. keep writing fam.
__________________ ![]() ![]() MY GALLERY <div align="center">Live with Envy...Die another mans Death</div> <div align="center">Gfx Battles</div> 4/4-3 Siike- 3-0 KO JOh- 3-0 KO Highbrid-3-0 KO Deuce- 3-0 KO losses:: Psy- 3-1 Con- 3-1 Chicago- 3-0 KO --- |
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| | #4 (permalink) |
| Untouchable Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: PA & VA
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| Alright, let's see if you're any good, J/K Like when I first read the beginning, I was thinking you were describing yourself as a person, that was cool, liking that little twist thrown in there because the end was waaaaaay different from what I was expecting. Nice metaphors, multies were solid, liking the flow definitely, it's pretty solid. I give birth but take lives , live on Earth where my fate lies // 1 Loved how you started this off. Probably because I'm not the easiest to get along with / And peace ? I don't believe in this for it's gone quick // 5 I tend to overstay my welcome , but move in circles / If I'm hit with pain then I tend to bruise in purple // 6 That part was nice, good shit. How I build structures and chaos Really liked that part, it's ironic and true. But yet , these hands of mine left prints in the sands of time / . . . Hello , my name is Mankind . . . // 10 Now that ending was insane. Nice shit. I was feeling this key, it's unique, your style is different, it's creative. I liked it, good shit, I'm looking forward to reading more of your works
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| | #5 (permalink) |
| Street Soldier Join Date: Dec 2007
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| It's like I must destroy what I build , before I am killed // 9 <<--- That was the best line, and one of the best I have seen in a while. Only because shortly you told us who you where. Made me look back on that line. Really liked that part. I have to admit, I had to get a friend just to help me understand all of this. But a plus about this, is your expanding my vocabulary. The thing I liked is one line, meant more than just one line. The more I searched the more I got. Flow was good. VIOLENCE PUNCTURES << when I finally understood that line, it meant more than just a meaning but a news thing. Now, with all that being said,...well, the reason this is such a great piece, even if you didnt intend it you had a hidden meaning in each line. a perfect vagueness. Keep writing, looking forward to your next piece
__________________ MURDER LIST 1. Canibus McStoner (Current Condition: Still Sucking Cock) 2. Distinguished (Current Condition: Dead Inside) 3. God (Current Condition: Waiting for me in the basement) |
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| | #8 (permalink) |
| Enforcer Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: D Dot C
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| :o AITE AITE, THIS WAS PRETTY GOOD MA, NO BULL. I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY CHICK TILL NOW.................................... DOPE
__________________ ![]() ERYTHING COPY WRITTEN, EVEN MY COUTRE BOW DOWN SLOPY BITCHES |
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| | #9 (permalink) |
| The Muscle Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: ChI-ToWn
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| this was ah gud read liked the concept... keep it up
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| | #10 (permalink) |
| Street Soldier Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: United Kingom
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| this here was dope i loved it enjoyed every line but this was the best of all i felt... "It's like I must destroy what I build , before I am killed" this was a sick scripture. ~PeacE~
__________________ ~Stealth X Emperor Of Gods~ |
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