yung d vs dragon

[Yung Detroit]

8 bars
first to 5 votes
3 votes = k.o
versus due 12 hours after both cheks

[Yung Detroit]

chek... dnt know if we need links but here

http://www.rap-royalty.com/forum/vot...hed-freak.html


Xzample Vs The Ugly

[Dragon]

Holy fuck this was quick.
Dragon's status: bAttLe MoDE oN.

Check bitch.

[Yung Detroit]

im a terrorist"saddam hussein" n im bombin on dis loser call him "john mccain"
you a civillian so i run u like "obamas rein" my verse is acid like "atomic rain"
a dragon?but dnt "spit no flames" i caught ya rebond, u dnt "get not change"
call me kobe cuz da "way i hit da lane" i had ya girl at "HEY.. i be spittin game"
y u on dis site, go gaurd your damn "castle",u jus a sittin duck,like a "Statue"
punches comin"at you",swingin like a "bat-do",i got u in a trap like a "rat-do"
the chance of u winnin dis is smaller den a "isotope", chek ya "microscope"
i grabbed my "mic-n-spoke",n ya girl grabbed my dick like a "mic-n-choked"

[Dragon]

http://www.rap-royalty.com/forum/voting-page/33168-snack-monster-vs-unleashed-freak.html

Begin We're Ready To Party Now, See You Ready To Start This...
But Kid You Staring A Martyr Down, I'm Just Taking Out Garbage-//

Detroit Escaping Pocket, Now's The Time For An Ex-Change...
A Bulb Out Of It's Socket, No Flicker, No Light Remains -//

Your Punches Hit? Ay Man Pound 'Em, A Fist Can Be An Assasain...
I Block 'Em And Then Rebound 'Em, You Lack The Power, The Passion-//

I'll Leave You On Desperation Shit, Abort Functions Verbal
I'm Pregnant With Inspiration Kid, My Thoughts Are Too Fertile-//

*The "Hitman" style, originated by Thomas Hearns in Detroit, in boxing a stance he used to lure foes into an exchange, as well as to maximize the speed and change the angle of his jab, a technique called the "flicker jab".
Jab= punch lighter then a straight hit.

The rest be that "You Know This".

Shot.

[DeTeRMiTY]

Punchesragon
Complexityragon
Multies:tie
Metasragon
Entertainment:tie
Creativityragon
Personals:tie
Structureetroit
Flowetroit
Closer: Dragon

You done a gd job DETROIT , but DRAGON was more adept

MY VOTE : DRAGON wins but not by far

Cant wait to see what u got for me , lizard man .

[Nietzsche]

Yung Detriot

"

im a terrorist"saddam hussein" n im bombin on dis loser call him "john mccain"
you a civillian so i run u like "obamas rein" my verse is acid like "atomic rain"

The first line kind of feels like a wash. There's somewhat of a concept but it just doesn't followthrough. Meaning, doesn't make sense. The second line, the main problem and lesson number one: Make it a punch. Make it hit, you had a indirect filler. Which shouldn't find it's way on a battle verse.

a dragon?but dnt "spit no flames" i caught ya rebond, u dnt "get not change"
call me kobe cuz da "way i hit da lane" i had ya girl at "HEY.. i be spittin game"

Nice for the beginning of the bar, Again, somewhat of a punch, but it's weak here. You need to work on making your punches land in an effective way.

y u on dis site, go gaurd your damn "castle",u jus a sittin duck,like a "Statue"
punches comin"at you",swingin like a "bat-do",i got u in a trap like a "rat-do"

Concept is there in the first line, but your just rhyming. Again the punch, seeming to be the first place to start in order ot elevate. Punches are the most important part of the verse bar none.

the chance of u winnin dis is smaller den a "isotope", chek ya "microscope"
i grabbed my "mic-n-spoke",n ya girl grabbed my dick like a "mic-n-choked""

Ehh, that was kind of played, but the important part here is you have a punch. That's step one.

Dragon

Begin We're Ready To Party Now, See You Ready To Start This...
But Kid You Staring A Martyr Down, I'm Just Taking Out Garbage-//

Not bad start, it's creative, doesn't hit him exactly direct but it's good way to start.

Detroit Escaping Pocket, Now's The Time For An Ex-Change...
A Bulb Out Of It's Socket, No Flicker, No Light Remains -//

This wasn't much of a punch to me, maybe for a topical battle it'd work but not this

Your Punches Hit? Ay Man Pound 'Em, A Fist Can Be An Assasain...
I Block 'Em And Then Rebound 'Em, You Lack The Power, The Passion-/

Not much of a punch here, try and work on creativity, and making the punch sting.

I'll Leave You On Desperation Shit, Abort Functions Verbal
I'm Pregnant With Inspiration Kid, My Thoughts Are Too Fertile-//

Like Yung D started, you failed to punch him. It's important to put the diss into the line. Keep working on it, you'll get there.

Punches: Dragon
Complexity: Dragon
Multies: Yung Detriot
Metas: Dragon
Entertainment: Niether
Creativity: Dragon
Personals: Neither
Structure: Tie
Flow: Tie
Closer: Yung Detriot

Vote - Dragon

It was close, I felt like the battle could have swung any way. Both need to work on creatvity and making a punch sting. Keep working and posting, and especially battling and you'll get tehre in no time.

[WHITE POWdER]

I thought this was over so didn't vote, sorry

im a terrorist"saddam hussein" n im bombin on dis loser call him "john mccain"
you a civillian so i run u like "obamas rein" my verse is acid like "atomic rain"

The first line I thought was going somewhere, but the next line turned into filler. Don't talk about yourself, or how great you are, that's not a diss, which is the purpose of the battle

a dragon?but dnt "spit no flames" i caught ya rebond, u dnt "get not change"
call me kobe cuz da "way i hit da lane" i had ya girl at "HEY.. i be spittin game"

Dragon thing was more of a punch but the rest of it went dedicated to how great you are. Remember this is not a battle. Not praising yourself. Diss, insult your opposition. You got the concepts, but you're using too much filler

y u on dis site, go gaurd your damn "castle",u jus a sittin duck,like a "Statue"
punches comin"at you",swingin like a "bat-do",i got u in a trap like a "rat-do"

This was geared to your opponent, only these are played punches, not very original. Work on your creativity, but you got the right idea in mind now

the chance of u winnin dis is smaller den a "isotope", chek ya "microscope"
i grabbed my "mic-n-spoke",n ya girl grabbed my dick like a "mic-n-choked"

No... Just no.

Begin We're Ready To Party Now, See You Ready To Start This...
But Kid You Staring A Martyr Down, I'm Just Taking Out Garbage-//

This really isn't hard hitting at all, pretty played. If you do something like this, you need to flip it. Catches are it's been said, and you run the risk of wasting a bar. Think outside the box

Detroit Escaping Pocket, Now's The Time For An Ex-Change...
A Bulb Out Of It's Socket, No Flicker, No Light Remains -//

I get what you're going for, I just think you need to word it better so it hits harder. But you had a good concept here, just not done correctly, which is alright, you'll elevate and learn how

Your Punches Hit? Ay Man Pound 'Em, A Fist Can Be An Assasain...
I Block 'Em And Then Rebound 'Em, You Lack The Power, The Passion-//

Nah this isn't anything. Every bar counts, so make them matter.

I'll Leave You On Desperation Shit, Abort Functions Verbal
I'm Pregnant With Inspiration Kid, My Thoughts Are Too Fertile-//

Filler. Don't talk about yourself, diss your opponent

Punches: Tie... This is extremely tough though due to inconsistencies in each verse, but I didn't see either do enough to really take it
Complexity: Dragon
Multies: Yung D
Metas: Dragon
Entertainment: Neither
Creativity: Dragon
Personals: Neither
Structure: Tie
Flow: Yung D
Closer: Neither

This is a tough battle to judge to be honest. Inconsistent on both sides I thought, made it hard to really see who won. Cut the filler out guys, nobody wants to hear how good you are, how clean you look, etc... People want to see you embarrassing, dissing, demolishing the image and reputation of the person you're battling. That's what it's about. I think both of you have the right idea in mind, it just fell by the waist side. Be direct with your punches, make them so they are doing the aforementioned, if you can do that you'll see dramatic improvements in all areas. You guys have potential.

I don't like voting ties, but that's what I see here

Vote: Tie, 3-1

[KRAFT]

wow....this battle was pretty whack from both sides....tbh. i felt like detroit was trying to do much with his verse, squeezing in forced shit everywhere. and dragons shit was just annoying as fuck to read, keep the text white/grey next time homaay. as far as your verse...i just wasn't feeling it. a good battle verse has to have punchlines, metas, personals, and just hard hitting lines. nobody really had one in this battle. but yall are noobs. have alot of battling to do. anyways, i couldn't really call this after seeing it again so i'm forced to say tie muhfuckas. OT!!!!!!!!!! haaa.

[PHLO]

Punches
Complexity
Multies:YD
Metas:YD
Entertainment:YD
Creativity
Personals:N/A
Structure
Flow:YD
Closer:YD

Man this was a close battle bt Young Detroit got it flow was more battle type Dragon yo opener didnt hit hard enough for me this is not yo best really couldn't catch on...

Vote: Young Detroit