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Old 07-16-2017, 11:50 AM   #1
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Default AJ The Menace vs. runAmuk - AJ The Menace wins via KO

5 Bars
Due in 48 Hrs. @runAmuk

http://www.rap-royalty.com/forum/vot...13-vs-tgo.html

http://www.rap-royalty.com/forum/vot...e-rap-battles/
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This battle can be moved now, thank you!
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Last edited by slyfe; 10-12-2017 at 10:19 AM..
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Old 07-16-2017, 08:55 PM   #2
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I'm a ghost, petrifying! With my punches, I'll have you seeing stars and rainbows - this bum will be mesmerizing!
You can't see the menace writing! I'll son this lame, and put 'Run in Place' - without exercising!!
You need to piss off dude! Oh no! It's an easy (w)rap for this bozo! And you could even call me Mister Scrooge!
It's over when my punches hit you dude! So Run DMC!?!? Not even if they let him join the hip hop group!
I'll hit him with the Bat,Man - like I'm Bruce Wayne, bro! I do things, literally! I'll tie you to the tracks, and hit you with the Chu Chu train, yo!
With punches, everything you choose lame, though! If we ever associate 'Run' with 'first place' - it's with Usain Bolt!



When I spit, I rock with phlegm! I'll leave you 'all over the wall' - and you can't escape my Oculus!
Everytime you write, I'm mocking, when! And my punches will leave Run near the ER (Runner) - and you won't even be walking, than!!
I'm that good, and I'll leave you ravaged,bro! Whenever you 'square up' - I'll have a laugh provoked!
My whole crew's sick, and we can't find the antidote! While we'll never see 'runAmuk in the world making statements' without an Angry Hulk!









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Last edited by AJ The Menace; 08-21-2017 at 10:30 PM..
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Old 07-18-2017, 02:37 AM   #3
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check, yo, imma drop tomorrow night at like 9 pacific time cause I've been busy and just seen this. so if thats ok. I got u @AJ The Menace
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Old 07-20-2017, 02:49 AM   #4
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Step to MUK wit A Fresh look and still Get Bodied, YA rap’s trash dude It’s obvious to me u need a New Hobby
AJ spit ocean bars Too Choppy, for a shitty rapper ya style Too Cocky n’ pen Game like Amber Rose Pussy Too Sloppy
Imma roll up on AJ in his Lobby Wit an AK and Two Shotty’s, MUK will Son (Wilson)Dennis da Menace on or off Waxx like Miyagi
The tracks he spittin on losing flame, dis Con’s lame, a constant Dame dat needs his Conscious tamed like Illuminati
Let’s get straight to it like Class, Just because your dedicated to the site doesn’t mean You hone your craft
Alone at last, saxophone on blast Muk’s Slicker den Al Capone All Caps
Expecting A Pass from Muk means all them awards don’t mean shit When da Verse is half-assed
I scribe tracks… reality is you bomb fast, reminding us dat AJ stands for nothing else but Amateur Jams…
He’s on a losing Streak, ya last two battles things look bleek so imma keep it trending like a twitter feed
No time to let it breathe, RR Keeps feedin me green(horns) so MUK el dump bar after bar on ya like a Vending Machine
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Old 08-14-2017, 05:56 PM   #5
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Vote links, @AJ The Menace and @runAmuk.

Votes need to be explained to count, @Jim B Dot, @Vic Demise.
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Old 10-12-2017, 10:20 AM   #6
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This battle can now be voted.
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[Today 09:02 PM] Disputer: If this is Faget by Korn, Ruvik, I will be angry.

Fernando
: Hajime is currently sitting on his Cheez Whiz stained beanbag chair yelling at his mother for turkey and taters while smoking his menthol cigarettes. He is busy.

Little Vam: I have so much ice, they gonna call me ASAP ANTARTICA
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Old 10-13-2017, 09:12 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AJ The Menace View Post
I'm a ghost, petrifying! With my punches, I'll have you seeing stars and rainbows - this bum will be mesmerizing!
You can't see the menace writing! I'll son this lame, and put 'Run in Place' - without exercising!!

I'm not sure what was up with this set up. Think about it. He will be mesmerizing. . I know what you meant, he will be mesmerized. But when you say he will be mesmerizing, you imply that he will hold the audience's attention. Not exactly an effective diss. The end punch was fire though. Thats more like the calibre you were writing at prior to the P4P tournament years back. It was a clean and witty punch. Good opener.

You need to piss off dude! Oh no! It's an easy (w)rap for this bozo! And you could even call me Mister Scrooge!
It's over when my punches hit you dude! So Run DMC!?!? Not even if they let him join the hip hop group!

Same shit here with the set up. Its like you are going out of you way to write ridiculous set ups that are more akward than effect. The ebd line here was again choice. Solid execution of a cool concept. Again, it is good to see you finding your stride again.

I'll hit him with the Bat,Man - like I'm Bruce Wayne, bro! I do things, literally! I'll tie you to the tracks, and hit you with the Chu Chu train, yo!
With punches, everything you choose lame, though! If we ever associate 'Run' with 'first place' - it's with Usain Bolt!

This was a solid bar all around. Set up was comical, and I enjoyed the humorous quick jabs. The end punch, while not exactly imaginative, was effectively worded. It was an effective flurry of crisp jabs.


When I spit, I rock with phlegm! I'll leave you 'all over the wall' - and you can't escape my Oculus!
Everytime you write, I'm mocking, when! And my punches will leave Run near the ER (Runner) - and you won't even be walking, than!!

Set up was low key fire. Maybe not end punch material, but a solid jab to double punch with. The end punch was a good concept utterly ruined by poor wording. You wont be walking, than? It would work with out the than. The than was unnecessary wording only there toadd a syllable to match the count. Really thriws me off. Than and the occulus/walking than slant.

I'm that good, and I'll leave you ravaged,bro! Whenever you 'square up' - I'll have a laugh provoked!
My whole crew's sick, and we can't find the antidote! While we'll never see 'runAmuk in the world making statements' without an Angry Hulk!

This was a pretty mild bar. Fillerish set up. And a wordy endline, with a looee connection. Im not feeling this punch as a closer. A light jab at best.










Quote:
Originally Posted by runAmuk View Post
Step to MUK wit A Fresh look and still Get Bodied, YA rap’s trash dude It’s obvious to me u need a New Hobby
AJ spit ocean bars Too Choppy, for a shitty rapper ya style Too Cocky n’ pen Game like Amber Rose Pussy Too Sloppy

Set up was bland. Didnt add anything to the bar except establishing a rhyme scheme. End line was okay. The "sloppy like (insert porn star)" concept isnt exactly creative, but I do like the double jabbing through the line. A quick jab combo, inspite of the set up.

Imma roll up on AJ in his Lobby Wit an AK and Two Shotty’s, MUK will Son (Wilson)Dennis da Menace on or off Waxx like Miyagi
The tracks he spittin on losing flame, dis Con’s lame, a constant Dame dat needs his Conscious tamed like Illuminati

Set up was a a perfect example of trying to do too much and tripping over youself. The Will son wordplay/dennis the menace concept had potential...but then you completely squandered it by trying to tie in the karate reference. It just comes out akward and wordy. End punch wasbt much of a punch. Cool internal rhyming, but thats about it. This bar whiffed.


Let’s get straight to it like Class, Just because your dedicated to the site doesn’t mean You hone your craft
Alone at last, saxophone on blast Muk’s Slicker den Al Capone All Caps

Set up was horrid, you just didnt attack him. Which is also part of the problem with the end punch. It was a cool flip..but purely self hype. Im all for a self hype flip in the set up. But to hinfe a bar on one is counter productive

Expecting A Pass from Muk means all them awards don’t mean shit When da Verse is half-assed
I scribe tracks… reality is you bomb fast, reminding us dat AJ stands for nothing else but Amateur Jams…

[B] Filler set up. Punch was a reach. Any time your taking an acronym and making uana meaning...you seem like you were running out of material. This was a lackluster bar.[/B


He’s on a losing Streak, ya last two battles things look bleek so imma keep it trending like a twitter feed
No time to let it breathe, RR Keeps feedin me green(horns) so MUK el dump bar after bar on ya like a Vending Machine

This was a good enough closer. Solid jab in the set upb and a straight jab to suit it. Cool beans.


Bar 1- AJ
Bar 2- AJ
Bar 3- AJ
Bar 4- AJ off the set up.
Bar 5- Runamuk

@AJ The Menace You took this off the strength of your first three bars, despite trainwrecking in the last two bars. But on the positive side, you flashed the kind of execution that had you ranked in the top 10 a few years back. Kind of fell off after that. But you did enough to take the W.

@runAmuk This wasnt bad but wasnt good. Opener showed potential and landed, but you just need to get a little more creative with your metaphor. Closer was a solid bar all around, and my best advice to you is to write more bars like this. The middle three bars were pretty much whiffs. You have the ability, but cobsistency was you down fall here.

Vote- AJ
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Old 10-14-2017, 10:01 PM   #8
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Opener- AJ

To me I think while the punch could use some rewording, both had filler and were self hyping but, AJ had a better formed punch with basic nameplay.

Closer- AJ

Both these punches were way off base. The rhymes were sketchy and forced like hell. But again AJ just had a better bar for a punch.

Personals- None

While Run did mention some past battles, all he did was mention them. No personals were made in the actual punches from either.

Punches- AJ

Both need work. I don't credit AJ for not being a battler because well..he battles. RUN had the right idea, but not enough directed hits and a lot of self hype- same thing to AJ. I thought the punches from both just weren't there but AJ had some more creative approaches and did have better jabs then RUN.

Creativity- AJ

Just more behind his concepts even if the punches weren't as direct as they need to be.

Flow- Tie

Both had some off rhymes but for the most part both verses read easy enough.

Complexity- AJ

Just more to his setups and bars, simple.



Vote- AJ

this is a bare win for AJ. To me both need help in formulated more direct punches and staying away from self hype bars. I think RUN could easily start improving to take on opponents like AJ if he can get his bars formulated better with more creative angles and incorporated set ups. Not the worse battle I seen, I myself struggle with battling. Good luck to both.
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Old 10-16-2017, 07:26 PM   #9
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AJ the Menace
Quote:
I'm a ghost, petrifying! With my punches, I'll have you seeing stars and rainbows - this bum will be mesmerizing!
You can't see the menace writing! I'll son this lame, and put 'Run in Place' - without exercising!!
Your first line is not very good. The multis are certainly there, but saying that ‘this bum will be mesmerizing’ is effectively paying a compliment to your opponent. Mesmerized (which is what I think you were trying to imply by saying he’d see stars and rainbows) =/= Mesmerizing. Second line at best was a serviceable jab.

Quote:
You need to piss off dude! Oh no! It's an easy (w)rap for this bozo! And you could even call me Mister Scrooge!
It's over when my punches hit you dude! So Run DMC!?!? Not even if they let him join the hip hop group!
Wasn’t feeling this. The repetition of dude in multis 1 & 3 don’t help, and the Run DMC flip was an expected play with poor phrasing.

Quote:
I'll hit him with the Bat,Man - like I'm Bruce Wayne, bro! I do things, literally! I'll tie you to the tracks, and hit you with the Chu Chu train, yo!
With punches, everything you choose lame, though! If we ever associate 'Run' with 'first place' - it's with Usain Bolt!
Hit him with the chu chu train, yo? This is the type of shit you say to try and be funny, but the way you word these bars it comes across like you trying to be aggressive and say you’re gonna hit him with a chu chu train. The Usain Bolt flip is fine, I guess… if you can ignore the fact that this is your 2nd bar utilizing Run and place in the set-up of the punch.

Quote:
When I spit, I rock with phlegm! I'll leave you 'all over the wall' - and you can't escape my Oculus!
Everytime you write, I'm mocking, when! And my punches will leave Run near the ER (Runner) - and you won't even be walking, than!!
ER flips… smh. I’ll give it to you, but this bar is light at best.

Quote:
I'm that good, and I'll leave you ravaged,bro! Whenever you 'square up' - I'll have a laugh provoked!
My whole crew's sick, and we can't find the antidote! While we'll never see 'runAmuk in the world making statements' without an Angry Hulk!
Probably your best bar, albeit marred by some poor slant rhyming.

runAmuk

Quote:
Step to MUK wit A Fresh look and still Get Bodied, YA rap’s trash dude It’s obvious to me u need a New Hobby
AJ spit ocean bars Too Choppy, for a shitty rapper ya style Too Cocky n’ pen Game like Amber Rose Pussy Too Sloppy
Your bottom line had three multis all using ‘too’. And the material sucks too.

Quote:
Imma roll up on AJ in his Lobby Wit an AK and Two Shotty’s, MUK will Son (Wilson)Dennis da Menace on or off Waxx like Miyagi
The tracks he spittin on losing flame, dis Con’s lame, a constant Dame dat needs his Conscious tamed like Illuminati
I… kind of fuck with this? I mean the phrasing needs all kinds of tweaking, but there’s some double jabbing in here, and the internals in the 2nd line are slick. The Illuminati punch could have been phrased much better. As it stands, the punch was a miss for me.

Quote:
Let’s get straight to it like Class, Just because your dedicated to the site doesn’t mean You hone your craft
Alone at last, saxophone on blast Muk’s Slicker den Al Capone All Caps
This was completely terrible.

Quote:
Expecting A Pass from Muk means all them awards don’t mean shit When da Verse is half-assed
I scribe tracks… reality is you bomb fast, reminding us dat AJ stands for nothing else but Amateur Jams…
I mean, I can’t even find the rhymes here. Half assed, scribe tracks, bomb fast, amateur jams? This is a mess.
Quote:
He’s on a losing Streak, ya last two battles things look bleek so imma keep it trending like a twitter feed
No time to let it breathe, RR Keeps feedin me green(horns) so MUK el dump bar after bar on ya like a Vending Machine
Some okay double punch attempts. Too bad the execution is piss poor.

--

AJ the Menace: Your phrasing has fallen all the way off. Your concepts feel dated, and even some of your slants are noticeably off. The one thing that you still have is the basic understanding of the fundamentals. In fact, your understanding of it still seems to be there, but how you’re applying it feels regressive when held up against your earlier, more competitive material. Take that for what you will, because I do think that you have the tools already.

runAmuk: I think you’ve got some potential, but it’s going to take a host of battles, lots of reading and feeding to really elevate the basic skills that you have. I saw signs of slick rhyme work and double punch attempts, but you were more consistently shitting the bed then you were putting together solid bars. Look at the things that worked for you here and hold those up against your opponent’s verse, at least in how it was structured. Work on tightening up those multis, it’s important to try and count your syllables when you write and say that shit out loud, it will help give you a better idea of what’s pairing up and what isn’t. And try to flesh out your concepts a bit better. Equating your opponent’s pen game to Amber Rose’s vagina is lazy and dumb.

This was a categorical landslide for AJ in my opinion. From a technical side, his verse was far more polished than runAmuk’s. That said, from a material standpoint, I thought that run had some better concepts, but he couldn’t execute them at all to save his life.

MVGT: AJ the Menace.
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Old 10-16-2017, 07:47 PM   #10
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AJ The Menace has won.

Voters: @TGO, @Jim Glockz, @slyfe.
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[Today 09:02 PM] Disputer: If this is Faget by Korn, Ruvik, I will be angry.

Fernando
: Hajime is currently sitting on his Cheez Whiz stained beanbag chair yelling at his mother for turkey and taters while smoking his menthol cigarettes. He is busy.

Little Vam: I have so much ice, they gonna call me ASAP ANTARTICA
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