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View Poll Results: Who Won This Battle?
The Villain 1 20.00%
Baron X 4 80.00%
Voters: 5. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 06-20-2017, 12:21 PM   #1
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Default The Villain vs Baron X -- Baron X Wins Via Majority Decision.

Topic: clandestine acquisition
20-30 lines (I don't care if your line goes over by a word or two bro lol)
Due by noon on Thursday.

@Baron X
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Old 06-20-2017, 12:21 PM   #2
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Check, good luck homie.
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Old 06-20-2017, 12:30 PM   #3
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Lol at the poll check man! Best of luck Villain :)
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Old 06-21-2017, 09:07 PM   #4
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Quote:
Clandestine: kept secret or done secretively.
Quote:
Acquisition: an asset or object bought or obtained.


She stared aimlessly as I vented away,
I was tempted to say I was sickened, insane.
My intentions refrained from inflicting pain,
restricting like chains wrapped around my tormented brain.
She closed her eyes and stood there breathing,
was she scared? Weeping? Feeling she can't share freely?
That stare, leading me on like a glare gleaming...
in anger, my rare screaming turns into an unfair shrieking.
I close in, reaching for her hand when she spins around,
that's when I hit the ground, a knife deep within me now.
Unable to hint a sound, she kneels, and gives a smile,
she tells me she knows, she's known for awhile.
I'm confused, but she treats me like I'm lying on trial,
and I'm dying, it's final, my body's barely fighting for survival.
She tells me there's a child, but I won't be there when it's born,
I'm a victim of woman's scorn, my body slowly losing warmth.
She asks me why I've been sneaking around, and that's when I lost it,
spent my last breath laughing and reaching deep inside of my pocket.
I pulled out a tiny locket, orbiting it was a diamond ring,
"I wanted you to marry me..." I whisper before my eyelids meet.

She starts sobbing, the locket rests firmly on her chest...
"I am so sorry! If you're still listening then the answer's yes!"
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Old 06-22-2017, 10:44 AM   #5
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A Clandestine Acquisition

I've known nothin' but struggle since the day I was born
risin' up from the rubble and the frays of the storm
life has cut so many times that the razor is worn
but today's a new dawn for my wife and my kids
so great and so warm that it might just eclipse
all the pain I've been borne from that vice and its grips
so I swiped up a clip and a rifle to whip
set to bust in and humble any dyke that would flip
drain the life from her lips as I swipe up her chips
tucked in a bundle, jumpin' right to the whip...

Dusk is lurking as I'm casing the place, fuckin' perfect, it's a dame with a gate
a Porsche in the drive and a major estate -
the window is open, I make my way through her drapes
cover up my face just in case she's awake
I grip my gun as I sway and I go straight for the safe

Ear to the side so I can hear what's inside
rollers and tumblers, clicking gears in a bind
could hardly stop from smiling as I hear them align

Gold and jewels, cash in bundles -
A sight so sweet where you just can't be humble
"Yes, man, yes!" I muttered under my breath,
tipping my sack and rummaging depths
I was ready to roll, and move when I just slipped and collapsed
and awoke in a room without a window or latch...

??

She fuckin' drugged me! That crazy bitch!
I called out for Superman, come and save me quick!
She came in pissed, leather reigns wearing lace and glitz -

"You make me sick, we're having fun tonight, you piece of mangy shit."

Kids, if you're listening, stay in school and don't get desperate,
or you might end up in a basement, whips and chains and ain't no exit...
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Old 08-20-2017, 04:33 PM   #6
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http://www.rap-royalty.com/forum/vot...pen-votes.html
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Old 08-25-2017, 06:47 PM   #7
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Batman - You came with a more emotional approach here. The tone of this piece was effective, and I felt the emotional impact at the end of the piece. Your format was pretty good as-well. Effective use of rhyme scheme, although some of the multi-syllabic rhymes didn't match. Some of the beginning felt like filler, but the story was good all the way from middle to end. Good use emotion, and imagery in places. Good piece.

Baron X - Your piece was good, it was a story-telling piece - and it was told nicely. The multi-syllabic rhymes were jampacked, and were effective towards the whole piece. The story-telling was vivid, as the imagery was nicely illustrated. Good work on this, man, Not a whole lot bad to say. Good work.

Overall - Both delivered nice pieces, but I thought Baron X was more consistent throughout his piece, and thus - won this battle. Good job, you two.

V/ Baron X
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Old 09-05-2017, 02:21 PM   #8
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wow, so you both went way outside of the box on this one. I appreciate that.
Don't get me wrong, most of the time nailing the topic on the head is cool, but sometimes it's refreshing to look at a topic, immediately try to guess what route someone will take and then read the verses to find something you never would have guessed.


I think of the 2 stories, I feel like Villain had the better use of it (especially by highlighting the definitions of the words, though it wasn't Needed, it did help for those that would have not looked at the deeper meaning)

Wording/Structure - Baron got that hands down. I know some voters here don't care for colored text, but I don't mind it, especially when it's set up to point out the multis and inners.

Imagery - gotta give this one to Villain the whole scenario was vivid in detail, where as I feel like the best (not the only, just the best part) imagery in Baron's verse was the part about cracking the safe.

Overall - as I said, I liked both verses. Unfortunately there'd be no point in Voting if a winner can't be decided. So I got Villain edging this with the more powerful imagery/storytelling vs the better wording/structure

vote - The Villain
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Old 09-13-2017, 04:09 PM   #9
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Flow on Baron's piece was immaculate, read more like a straight up rap verse then a topical, very solid storytelling imo and very fun to read. Although I liked reading it the ending was sorta strange imo couldn't really tell why it ended the way it did if your character was trying to sleep with the strange lady in the first place.

While the Villain came in with similar flow and better storytelling, as evoking more emotion in his piece, which I really don't have much to say about. It was good nothing really to critique without reading every line 20 times looking for mistakes.

I'll give the Villain the vote
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Old 09-14-2017, 04:05 PM   #10
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Schemewise Baron was dominating this, great use of wording and rhyme in its entirety and topic consistency. I loved how you were just flexing with this and pushing an exercise type piece, great content to boot... Overall I'd say you covered a lot of the cats, it lacked emotion tho.. it was just blunt talk, nothing drawing me into it and having me WANT to read more, I just read it and saw technically sound writing.

Villain your verse was dope, your multies were lacking and rhymescheme was sub-par to Baron's you told me I need to work on the same things I agree you should, as well. This was a good battle none the less, you lacked content and substance as well, you were just flexing a basic emotion here; melancholy ...and that's cool and all but head to head with a baron verse you know you gotta finely comb these verses before submitting against him.


MVGT/Baron

I was just more on Baron's side with this due to the fact that I felt Villain could've done more as we know he can...


Good battle
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