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Old 02-22-2017, 12:51 PM   #11
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Old 02-22-2017, 05:06 PM   #12
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Old 03-08-2017, 04:41 PM   #13
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Damn, REALLY enjoyed this battle guys, great work!

Creativity-- Xenon
Entertainment-- Xenon
Flow-- AJ
Rhyme Scheme-- AJ
Consistency/Topic-- AJ
Lit. Elements-- AJ
Vocabulary-- AJ
Emotion-- AJ
Imagery--Xenon
Vote-- AJ The Menace

Explanation-

As I said, both were great entries, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I feel like AJ had the advantage here as he probably has LOADS of these written and picked his best one since this is generally his topic of choice

No but seriously, you both came in and did your thing here. I personally liked Xenon's because it gave more of a 'let me tell you a story' type vibe which is how I feel a topical should be. However, as far as the battle and theme of it goes, AJ writing like he's scribing out a scripture fits the theme absolutely perfectly. If I had to recommend one thing to each writer it would be to work on the delivery and entertainment portion for the readers for AJ and to work on getting a better grasp of conveying the topic given for Xenon. Good job guys.
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Old 03-13-2017, 05:14 PM   #14
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I am an angel, precious from above, holding on to the message from a dove
Guarding everything sacred, lessons we entrust, and holding on to the holy spirit our presence will become
Our essence will be one with the Heaven's in light, our souls are white, splendid and bright
I am the poet, etching in sight, as our God of wonders is beckoning bright
He is magnificent, creating the planets and stars, he stood in Heaven, and planted his heart
He moves mountains, with no amnesty sparked, and sits on the throne, as the family's czar.
Nothing compares to his sagacious grace, his past is settled in an ancient trace
He guarded Israel's fragrant face, and made it flourish as a spacious place
I fly passed the earth that his majesty's created, and found nothing that hadn't been elated
I see everything lavished and sedated, holding people's passion as inflated
God is the pinnacle of peace, he created light as the ministry's will teach
He is the miracle you seek, and as one -- every innocent will reach
I am an Angel whimsical in speech, praising God, with a basilisk tongue - for he's the source of immunity
He protects all the fruitful beings, for he has the key of success to open the door of opportunity.
He created the shining sun, and has risen son's in righteousness, for he has brought young enticing him
He created human's with brightness lit, processing as enlightenment descends.
No-one can fathom his extravagant ways, I'll always have my master embraced.
I will always stay candor in ways, as he appoints me the Angel that mantles the way.
I am The Angel from Israel when Moses freed the slaves, and now we're all settling
For over the years I've been alive, I've come to know that God is everything.


from readin this verse, your previous text drops, you pickin the topic, i really feel you mailed this in and had this shit prewritten from the jump. this is pretty much your entire writin catalogue the last 5-6 months or so. dont quot eme on the time frame but its been like this for months atleast. that said, your writin is pretty dope but the formula is too much the same. its redundant, its expected, its the same. some decent schemes and multis. plus 1 for the basilisk drop. the conclusion is really generally expected no real imagination went into that. you did well DESCRIBIN the topic but the end was just so mailed in it was a slap in the face to the read. you went with a very straight forward approach, you told it well, but a bit borin and predictable by the same standards. some dope bars though but a better endin wouldve dramatically changed things i feel



The light is setting as my mother whispers God is Everything
Darkness! Visions of Eurasian depression is setting in
Mongolians are trampling in the ground is rumbling
I'm a Kievan firing from my mount aiming to crush the barbarians
The sound of whistling is drowning the wind as the sky begins fading
Arrows swallowing the sun's last bit of fleeting radiation
The shadowland cracks bones as horses whine
Men cry, bloody tears fly in the sky
Salvation they desperately try to find
The soil darkens fattening on the woundeds albumin
Allusions of Satan, I stare into a monsters gaze wielding steel talons
Aspersions of heavens, raindrops are lashing
Chaos! We trample in conflicted ethos, revels of pathos
Crested crowns are bound towards my burial mound
Vested shroud wrapped around my newfound frown
I've made my noble house proud, the Choirs increasingly loud
Oh look here, a massive crowd for the hero who ceased the pound
I levetiate I'm nearing my ascension free of hesitation
Light blinding white is bombarding with angelic voicing
Mother in the distance free of pestilence as she whispers God is Everything

gotta say i was actually impressed with this drop xen. most of your shit tends to get chaotic and jump all over the fuckin place but this was quite smooth. i liked the story. thought you incorporated the personal touches like the kievan you write about well into your story. the imagery isnt over the top but provides an ample settin. the writin is clear, quality controlled. like the contrast between devastation and salvation. could still stand to find your flow but i was pretty floored by this effort from you. 1 of the best drops youve written, shit was clean bro

good battle here i thought aj had this wrapped up but ill say this. xen came and was firin on all cylinders here. i think what played most against aj is the fact hes written this so many times now that its lost all its flavor and luster. its hard to block that out and while i am tryin hard, it does play a factor. goin to the well 1 too many times has taken away from the piece's ability to entice me. xenon brought a fresh perspective and idea to the table. i was fallin into his story and taken out of my element. with aj its a consistent theme that is restin on his laurels and never crossed any serious terrain. well written and displayed by aj but the entertainment is a big factor and i just didnt enjoy his nearly as much and its simply becuz hes written this so many times that it really made me lose interest. xenon on the other had needs to work on his flow still but did everything the opposite of aj. he was more inventive and displayed more imagination. he made the topic his own rather than rewritin the topic and rehearsin it to it. credit where credit is due, aj wrote very well but xenon was the more innovative writer today and that is where my vote falls

vote xenon
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Old 03-31-2017, 04:49 PM   #15
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AJ -

Damn AJ this topic is right up your alley. I love your fluent rhyme scheme. It makes for a very smooth read. I also love the fact that you really, truly believe that God is everything. That works as a huge advantage for you in this battle. You write with a form of conviction and the perspective coming from the same powerful Angel that lead Moses to free the slaves is a nice touch. Considering that you state that you're '"holding on to the Holy Spirit" to basically stay on the right track of God's will is also a very nice touch that I also believe to be 100% true. This piece actually strengthens my faith to a degree and I appreciate that. The literary elements are scattered nicely throughout in a subtle way like the message from a dove line and many others. Very poetic at the same time being very real about the topic. Nicely done. Very nice use of vocabulary to really bring out God's character. You have done justice in that sense. You seem to understand that anything is possible with God yet nothing is possible without him. I believe that to be true as well. This is a very complete topical from top to bottom and I enjoyed it very much. Thanks for the read.

Xenon -

I like your opening line to really give this piece an intimate feel by adding the Mother's whisper. Good imagery as well. It seems to me that you're at war with those that oppose God and you paint a nice scene with your selection of words. It almost feels like a Braveheart type story. One thing I will say though, the rhyming and flow is not necessarily up to par for me. Other than that, I am entertained so far. I thought this line was phenomenal...

Arrows swallowing the sun's last bit of fleeting radiation

^^^That's dope.

The imagery is definitely standing out as the strong point to this topical. The blood tears flying in the sky, etc..

I definitely like the spiritual touch to this with the allusions of Satan and the monster's gaze. It feels like God's Angels vs Satan's Demons fighting for souls. It seems to me that you are some type of royalty to your city and you have conquered the battle that you have set out to win. This is tying together rather nicely. Hmmm. I really like the ending. It is very interesting. From my perspective it seems that after you conquered the battle you ascended to Heaven. I get the feeling that your Mother is already in Heaven or that she had already passed away and she continually reminds you that everything you do is for God. I really like that aspect of the story. My only problems with this are the rhyme scheme and flow seem choppy or non existent in some parts and the conclusion is a little to vague for my liking. Don't get me wrong, I do like open ended story's that make the reader think but in this case I would have liked it to tie together a little bit more. Either way, this was very good.

MVGT - AJ

I connected better with AJ's piece and it really hits home for me. I feel like this battle could go either way but in my eyes, AJ won it with his better mechanics and sincere conviction to the topic. Xenon had a great story that could definitely pull some votes in. He almost got mine but not quite. Good job by both writers.
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Old 04-27-2017, 06:43 AM   #16
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I am an angel, precious from above, holding on to the message from a dove
Guarding everything sacred, lessons we entrust, and holding on to the holy spirit our presence will become


Not a big fan of topical pieces that just boom: tell you what's happening in the first line. It's good to let the reader figure it out and shows nuance as a writer. Also "message from a dove" bugs me. God became a dove once and shared a message with man, yes, but as an Angel yourself, why would you be holding on to a message delivered to man? You'd say "from God", since you wouldn't have seen him as a dove. You know? Good bar but needs tweaking.


Our essence will be one with the Heaven's in light, our souls are white, splendid and bright
I am the poet, etching in sight, as our God of wonders is beckoning bright


Cool imagery and multis. Not a lot of substance yet but I understand you gotta set the tone.

He is magnificent, creating the planets and stars, he stood in Heaven, and planted his heart
He moves mountains, with no amnesty sparked, and sits on the throne, as the family's czar.


Ehhh... You coulda done a lot with "planted" his heart. As it stands though, it seems like a forced rhyme. Amnesty sparked and family's czar is sort of nonsensical, no offense.


Nothing compares to his sagacious grace, his past is settled in an ancient trace
He guarded Israel's fragrant face, and made it flourish as a spacious place


I get it man: God is good and multis. The former is true and the latter is cool but there's not a lot of depth here imo. And sagacious grace/fragrant face is really forced. It's good by general standards but under intense scrutiny there's a lot to be desired.


I fly passed the earth that his majesty's created, and found nothing that hadn't been elated
I see everything lavished and sedated, holding people's passion as inflated


Nothing that hadn't been elated doesn't make sense because Earth is a chaotic, miserable place, according to The Bible even. Plus there are lots of inanimate objects, so technically it's not even possible. Ya know? Lavished and sedated is trash, no offense.


God is the pinnacle of peace, he created light as the ministry's will teach
He is the miracle you seek, and as one -- every innocent will reach


Reach where? I know what you meant but the wording is weak. Decent other than that though.

I am an Angel whimsical in speech, praising God, with a basilisk tongue - for he's the source of immunity
He protects all the fruitful beings, for he has the key of success to open the door of opportunity.


Basilisk tongue? I can't imagine what that would be a metaphor for, not to mention wouldn't borderline-occult cryptozoological mythology sort of be mutually-exclusive with Judaism/Christianity?


He created the shining sun, and has risen son's in righteousness, for he has brought young enticing him
He created human's with brightness lit, processing as enlightenment descends.


Ehhh... Your multies are getting wobbly. The rising sun thing was really basic and unoriginal BUT that's what this needs more of: wordplay. Shit, other elements in general. You got multies and imagery, and not much else. And it's hard for me to give much credit to your imagery when you're clearly relying on multies to create imagery for you. Not trynna be harsh, just helpful.


No-one can fathom his extravagant ways, I'll always have my master embraced.
I will always stay candor in ways, as he appoints me the Angel that mantles the way.


Candor in ways?? No, no, no.. And "always have my master embraced" is really unnatural wording for the sake of rhyming. Mantles the way is in the same the boat but less egregious.


I am The Angel from Israel when Moses freed the slaves, and now we're all settling
For over the years I've been alive, I've come to know that God is everything.


Hmm... Bit disappointed over all man, can't lie. This topic was right up your alley and you didn't elevate it. No creative twist on the prompt. No start, middle and ending. Just "God is awesome, also: multis" for 20 lines really. I'd really like to see you take yourself to task after this. You're good with multis and you can pull off imagery. Think "plot".. Do more than statementish rhyming. This piece wasn't all bad at all but I've seen similar from you too many times. You can do better. Focus on growth and elevation. Think outside of the box.







The light is setting as my mother whispers God is Everything
Darkness! Visions of Eurasian depression is setting in
Mongolians are trampling in the ground is rumbling
I'm a Kievan firing from my mount aiming to crush the barbarians


Unique. You've clearly picked a setting and a concept and haven't just spelled it out and beat me over the head with it. Some of your word choice in this piece could be tweaked though. "Eurasian depression" is a bit odd for example, but lyrical so it's not all bad.

The sound of whistling is drowning the wind as the sky begins fading
Arrows swallowing the sun's last bit of fleeting radiation
The shadowland cracks bones as horses whine
Men cry, bloody tears fly in the sky
Salvation they desperately try to find


Really solid imagery. Not sure what you mean by "shadowland cracks bones" though. Also if you meant literal bloody tears falling from the sky, that's quite a extraordinary thing to just deadpan say. You should've set it up better. Also if it was just a metaphor and not to be taken literal, same thing: it needed to be set up better.


The soil darkens fattening on the woundeds albumin
Allusions of Satan, I stare into a monsters gaze wielding steel talons


Albumin.. Interesting. That line in general has great imagery/vocab. You also have the gift of understatement. Instead of going over the top and rambling for 2 lines about how your enemies are of evil, you use the word allusion. Good stuff.


Aspersions of heavens, raindrops are lashing
Chaos! We trample in conflicted ethos, revels of pathos


Dooooooope. "Aspersions of heavens" is crack. As is ethos/pathos.

Crested crowns are bound towards my burial mound
Vested shroud wrapped around my newfound frown
I've made my noble house proud, the Choirs increasingly loud
Oh look here, a massive crowd for the hero who ceased the pound


Again, understatement. Instead of doing the equivalent of a pirouetting, gesticulating soliloquy about how you've been wounded, you deliver it in a way that could easily be missed. It's like it happened so fast the narrator didn't immediately notice. Again, good shit.


I levetiate I'm nearing my ascension free of hesitation
Light blinding white is bombarding with angelic voicing
Mother in the distance free of pestilence as she whispers God is Everything


Bravo. One of the better topicals I've read lately. Great, great imagery. It's nuanced. It's engaging! Sort of cinematic compared to AJ's piece. You tied world history into the prompt and you deftly combined elements of rap and poetry in the finished piece. That's impressive. Props and keep at it.




I'm going with Xenon. He outclassed AJ. His nuance and creativity made AJ's piece look flat and unevolved, uninspired even. He also used his mechanics with much more mastery than AJ. Where as AJ seemed to just be rhyming and throwing it all together, Xenon had a time, place, theme, and narrative all in place. He elevated the topic and showed better writing skill. For these reasons, I think it's clear he got it.



Vote: Xenon.
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Old 05-16-2017, 12:29 PM   #17
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Creativity-- AJ The Menace // Xenon
Entertainment-- Xenon
Flow-- AJ The Menace
Rhyme Scheme-- Xenon
Consistency/Topic-- AJ The Menace
Lit. Elements-- Xenon
Vocabulary-- AJ The Menace
Emotion-- AJ The Menace
Imagery-- AJ The Menace
Vote-- AJ The Menace

I voted for @AJ The Menace because I felt that his Piece sounded nicer (reading out loud). His flow had creativity While staying on topic, and was a overall a heartfelt piece of work. Both of you were extremely creative, however i feel that Xenon strayed off topic in my opinion, his piece entertained me, but i felt it was more about war and fighting then God being everything. Overall i want to say that i enjoyed this battle, and both contestents, but Aj came with a little more than Xenon.
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Old 05-17-2017, 05:35 PM   #18
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I am an angel, precious from above, holding on to the message from a dove
Guarding everything sacred, lessons we entrust, and holding on to the holy spirit our presence will become
Our essence will be one with the Heaven's in light, our souls are white, splendid and bright
I am the poet, etching in sight, as our God of wonders is beckoning bright
He is magnificent, creating the planets and stars, he stood in Heaven, and planted his heart
He moves mountains, with no amnesty sparked, and sits on the throne, as the family's czar.


love love love the planted his heart line, your flow is a little ~ but still passable, really good start here but would like to see you switch something up as it goes on as its a bit too on topic and lacking originality. the czar line was also really awesome!!!!!!

Nothing compares to his sagacious grace, his past is settled in an ancient trace
He guarded Israel's fragrant face, and made it flourish as a spacious place
I fly passed the earth that his majesty's created, and found nothing that hadn't been elated
I see everything lavished and sedated, holding people's passion as inflated
God is the pinnacle of peace, he created light as the ministry's will teach
He is the miracle you seek, and as one -- every innocent will reach

the flow gets better here not as gripping of a passage as the one before but i still was feeling it quite a bit. gives hope and inspiration in the times of dark

I am an Angel whimsical in speech, praising God, with a basilisk tongue - for he's the source of immunity
He protects all the fruitful beings, for he has the key of success to open the door of opportunity.
He created the shining sun, and has risen son's in righteousness, for he has brought young enticing him
He created human's with brightness lit, processing as enlightenment descends.
No-one can fathom his extravagant ways, I'll always have my master embraced.
I will always stay candor in ways, as he appoints me the Angel that mantles the way.
I am The Angel from Israel when Moses freed the slaves, and now we're all settling
For over the years I've been alive, I've come to know that God is everything.

this was really neatly written, loved it. the only thing i really can hold against you in this verse is the lack of imagination it really feels like you took the most basic form of the topic and wrote to that. so in that way it was kinda flat but it written REALLY well and i enjoyed it. just wish it had more of an unpredictable legacy to it, i come away walking with the message but not wowed in other senses. still very good and nothing but good to take away from it



The light is setting as my mother whispers God is Everything
Darkness! Visions of Eurasian depression is setting in
Mongolians are trampling in the ground is rumbling
I'm a Kievan firing from my mount aiming to crush the barbarians
The sound of whistling is drowning the wind as the sky begins fading
Arrows swallowing the sun's last bit of fleeting radiation
The shadowland cracks bones as horses whine
Men cry, bloody tears fly in the sky
Salvation they desperately try to find

really like your imagery and idea, this is the total opposite of what aj was writing and more of what i was expecting to see from a topical i.e.: creative juices flowing! the arrows swallowing bit is a really nice touch

The soil darkens fattening on the woundeds albumin
Allusions of Satan, I stare into a monsters gaze wielding steel talons
Aspersions of heavens, raindrops are lashing
Chaos! We trample in conflicted ethos, revels of pathos
Crested crowns are bound towards my burial mound
Vested shroud wrapped around my newfound frown

i like the idea of mother nature/created beasts/evil/temptation theme you have going here, many ways to take the concept and idea. the only thing i have against your writing so far is you've given us one of those films that starts at the middle/end and haven't taken us to the beginning for the WHY. really neatly written very crisp and a delight with vocab

I've made my noble house proud, the Choirs increasingly loud
Oh look here, a massive crowd for the hero who ceased the pound
I levetiate I'm nearing my ascension free of hesitation
Light blinding white is bombarding with angelic voicing
Mother in the distance free of pestilence as she whispers God is Everything

see my above critique. the ending was a nice twist but i felt you skipped a lot of details that could've made this waaaaaay better than what you had jotted up. i liked your story but felt some holes were in it and the ending a tad rushed. but overall it was a really great read!

these were 2 great pieces. i think i have to give this one to aj though. while his topic lacked in the creative department it was crisp writing from beginning to end, he told his story really well, it was easy to follow, good flow, decent everything. the only thing he lacked was creativity in the topic. he took the topic and wrote directly to that. on the other hand, xeno really went a creative rout and blew aj away there. but i felt his story had some holes while well written, when it finished kinda left me feeling like "thats it?" too many vegetables in a beef strew so to speak. would've been nice if he had embellished more on his topic and wrapped it up. but maybe thats just me. still a great read was just missing some of the formula of greatness. both were good but i think aj showed more polish so that is where my vote goes

mvgt: aj
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Old 05-25-2017, 03:06 AM   #19
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@ AJ

I think you stayed on topic pretty well. A lot of your wording was from the bible itself which made your piece relevant to the topic. Pretty good poetry here. A good read.

@ xenon

I think you went a little off topic going into the whole war theme. I think AJ piece was more on topic as he was speaking about god more. I think your piece was good. You had a interesting take on the topic I think. It was a pretty good read this isn't you first rodeo.

MVGT AJ

I think AJ stood on topic better. Also I think his piece was just all around better. Don't get me wrong xenon AJ didn't blow you out the water here he just edged you out. He was just a little more better than you on this one. Again ur no rookie you'll come back again with something
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Old 05-25-2017, 10:16 AM   #20
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AJ the Menace has won.

Voters -- @Ness, @Tayanusa, @Mass, @Meta4ik, @DeepTheGr8est, @Wench, @Good thief. Thank you.
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