Enickma Vs. The2rrell - [TOPICAL] -- Enickma Wins 5-4

[Enickma]

Text Topical |
Topic: absent loved one or figure in your life |
Length: 12-16 bars |
Time Limit: 30 minutes

yea 2 lines = 1 bar

Vote link: http://www.rap-royalty.com/forum/com...c-wins-ko.html

@ Mention me when you're ready to drop @The2rrell, I'm ready.

Check....will post my verse and link tomorrow. GL

I wrote my verse at work and forgot to email. I can post it up as soon as I get in tomorrow. Is that cool hak.

@The2rrell

na you're good, it's just that the admins have been busy with wrapping up the PPV event and changing site servers so they haven't had a chance to mod the battle section yet

it should get moved to the Voting Page soon though

[The2rrell]

bars as in 2 lines per bar?

check

http://www.rap-royalty.com/forum/vot...ical-vote.html

@Enickma

Why does it say it is waiting on me....when i have posted the link, the verse, and my check.

[The2rrell]

its simple to laugh at the times, together in the past that is mine
remembering why we chose the lies of the mask that we hide
to passive to cry from all the pain to massive inside, ever lasting with life
always the type that was cracking a smile.......then there was many occasions
you would lend me a day when you didnt have time or a minute to waste then
still im chasin the things that you taught, dreams that were brought
when i would stumble i lean on my rock, now its nothing more than feeling dis-trot
far to often i reach, for a shadow of that coffin beneath
never forgotten but still lost in our speech is that other you - not even an option for me
i try to stop never want to go back nor pull you from where you left me
a person so strong that from that day on.....no one will ever forget me
but lets see, who are you the one who determines I
simply thoughts of who and why or when the truth arrived
but that much im still working....for im here but your not
but your will is still unearthing, unclear and still with thought
that cloth and vale of mercy, nothing more than we explore
but the mask unvailed is certain....that chore of being more
is me to tell this person ......im lost from then to now
look around begin to bow.....lost the vision of what i was looking at
remebering who i was, peering through the mirrors looking glass
but now its been years and its clear hes no longer looking back

[Enickma]

Cookin Vegetables

forgettin all the lies that were never true
yea I thought shit would change but, never you
wishin against all the things that you never knew
doin all the things you said you'd never do
i had to let you go, it was inevitable
i was your son how could you not put me on a pedestal
you tried to make it seem like you were so ethical
but you tried to wright your wrongs and that shit wasnt legible
and cuz of you i got all these problems that are medical
you let me inhale those fumes and those chemicals
I was only eight years old and some decimals
how the fuck was i supposed to know those werent vegetables
so I put myself in a world, one dimensional
so i couldnt see all the bullshit and the rest of you
tellin momma what I saw was too questionable
so I swallowed it like those memories were digestable
and instead of throwin up im shittin out these bars
i couldnt stand to see my family splittin trees apart
cuz my family tree was already so broken
covered in ice and the leaves were frozen
so yea all those words had to remain unspoken
and all I got in return was this token
just my heart submerged in this ocean
so closed up and itll never ever open

[Disputer]

Cleared.

[BlueBeard]

Creativity--Rell, Rell you got mored creavtive with rhyme scheemes, Enickma honestly alot of what you were talking about is going over my head, I just dont get some parts like vegtables, chemicals, Now that I read it when im not tired.
You did have some creative parts such as the digestable/ Bars that im shittin out lines. Rell also has some creative word usage nothing that jumped out at me. But his ryhme scheam being more creative along with that gives him the catorgory
Entertainment--Rell, Rell your piece entertained me more because it was more complex. Enickma I got kind of bored reading yours half way through
Flow--Rell, Enickma you had an unwaivering flow that I could apreciate. your rhymes were good. not simple words. rells just had a tighter flow and he had some good multi stringing
Rhyme Scheme--Rell, This should be self explanitory, i know Enickma can write more advanced stuff so I'm not really going to go in this
Consistency/Topic--Tie you both stayed on topic well
Lit. Elements--Rell, Rell had more multis Enickma had some word play Rell did too, his multis took this one for him
Vocabulary--Tie vocab levels were about the same
Emotion--Tie, i felt emotion from both
Imagery--Rell, I could see some of what you were saying, more so then Enickma. Neither of you had great imagery imo
Vote--Rell

Rells piece was simply more complex looked like he put more time in to.

[Fable478]

Pink i see your point but...

I loved the topic, and both of you brought a lot of emotion. I learned a lot reading this and thought it was well played. Its tough to vote on. Ok here goes.
The 2 rrell
“its simple to laugh at the times, together in the past that is mine
remembering why we chose the lies of the mask that we hide”
I’m not sure if hiding your mask will cover your identity, was the message intended to mean you hide your mask to show your face? I get the point and it’s a good bar..but not very clear.
“to passive to cry from all the pain to massive inside, ever lasting with life
always the type that was cracking a smile.......then there was many occasions
you would lend me a day when you didnt have time or a minute to waste then
still im chasin the things that you taught, dreams that were brought
when i would stumble i lean on my rock, now its nothing more than feeling dis-trot”
Good imagery, nice flow. Diggin it.
“far to often i reach, for a shadow of that coffin beneath
never forgotten but still lost in our speech is that other you - not even an option for me”
Loved it
“i try to stop never want to go back nor pull you from where you left me
a person so strong that from that day on.....no one will ever forget me”
Seems forced
“but lets see, who are you the one who determines I
simply thoughts of who and why or when the truth arrived”
This was good but should there be a question mark after “I”?
“but that much im still working....for im here but your not
but your will is still unearthing, unclear and still with thought
that cloth and vale of mercy, nothing more than we explore
but the mask unvailed is certain....that chore of being more
is me to tell this person ......im lost from then to now
look around begin to bow.....lost the vision of what i was looking at
remebering who i was, peering through the mirrors looking glass
but now its been years and its clear hes no longer looking back”
In the start of this section it was ok…but then it started to get a bit unorganized. The depth remained but you put lax in wordplay…in my opinion.
Overall I give it a 5.5
Enickma:
“forgettin all the lies that were never true
yea I thought shit would change but, never you
wishin against all the things that you never knew
doin all the things you said you'd never do
i had to let you go, it was inevitable
i was your son how could you not put me on a pedestal
you tried to make it seem like you were so ethical
but you tried to wright your wrongs and that shit wasnt legible
and cuz of you i got all these problems that are medical
you let me inhale those fumes and those chemicals
I was only eight years old and some decimals
how the fuck was i supposed to know those werent vegetables
so I put myself in a world, one dimensional
so i couldnt see all the bullshit and the rest of you
tellin momma what I saw was too questionable
so I swallowed it like those memories were digestable
and instead of throwin up im shittin out these bars
i couldnt stand to see my family splittin trees apart
cuz my family tree was already so broken
covered in ice and the leaves were frozen
so yea all those words had to remain unspoken
and all I got in return was this token
just my heart submerged in this ocean
so closed up and itll never ever open”
Now call me cheap for posting the whole thing at once and not spacing bar after bar. Look, this is the better verse because it speaks as one solid piece of raw meat. Rrell you had great diction but this is complex in its simplicity.. the emotion is raw, its truly flawless in wordplay and flow. I mean it allows me to say little because I can’t pick out much for flaw.
Overall…man I don’t give these numbers lightly. 7.0
Creativity—Enickma- he took some time on everything from verse to its appearance.
Entertainment--Enickma
Flow--Enickma
Rhyme Scheme--Enickma
Consistency/Topic--tie
Lit. Elements—hmmm…rrell
Vocabulary--rrell
Emotion--Enickma
Imagery--rrell
Vote--Enickma

[Tayanusa]

Creativity--Tie, I was expectin a little more from Enickma and was let down here. Not sure what he was thinkin goin with this concept wasnt his best. Rell was a little generic too but I'm not too familiar with his work but he did enough to keep level with enickma here
Entertainment--Tie. Pretty much the same reason above
Flow--Rell
Rhyme Scheme--Rell...I really wasnt feelin Enickma's rhymes here at all, too easy, nothin really stood out, seemed he got a bit lazy here
Consistency/Topic--Tie
Lit. Elements--Rell. He did a lot more with his time and story
Vocabulary--Enickma
Emotion--Rell
Imagery--Rell
Vote--I was a bit disappointed by Enickma here and I do think a clear cut winner is here and thats Rell. He seemed to put together a fuller verse, Enickma's seemed to travel off. It lacked his usual style and I'm not really sure what he was goin for here becuz it fell pretty short. I think if he had a chance to do this over again he would instantly becuz it didnt seem his heart was into this one. I was expectin a lot more and felt he came up quite empyty. Rell did a better job of keeping consistency with his story and bridgin things together. His verse just seemed more complete to me. Enicka didnt quite live up to his reputation here, but Rell put in some work and had a nice story here

Vote: Rell

[Jim Glockz]

Creativity- Enickma
Entertainment- Tie
Flow- Tie
Rhyme Scheme- Tie
Consistency/Topic- Tie
Lit. Elements- Enickma
Vocabulary- Tie
Emotion- Rell
Imagery- Enickma
Vote- Enickma

Explanation-

2rell, Hm..first of all that structure is horrible. Really takes away from the piece TBH. But I really did like what you had to say when it got all sorted out. I liked the "man in the mirror isnt me" approach. And it may be because of the structure or your wording..but it remained a secret until the end, which is always a nice touch to topicals. While I felt those to be your strong points, you pretty much tied Enickma in every other aspect. He did outshine you a bit in others. And unfortunately his approach to the topic, while not perfect..came out a bit more appealing.

Enickma- I feel like against a stronger writer this verse might have lost. The concept is pretty cool. But I felt like the presentation could have been a lot more solid. I felt the emotion could have been stronger in this as well, the topic certainly allowed for it. Perhaps what was missing that really hurt was depth. But as linear as it might have been, the concept still was nice. And the imagery was a bit more to give you a slight edge.

[Tommy Pacific]

Creativity- Rell
Entertainment-Rell
Flow- Enickma
Rhyme Scheme-Enickma
Consistency/Topic- Tie
Lit. Elements- Rell
Vocabulary- Tie
Emotion- Enickma
Imagery- Tie
Vote- This was dead even to me. I felt where Rell was at his best, Enickma was at his worst. Where Enickma was at his best, Rell was at his worst. Definitely a cleaner verse couldve been presented on both sides, but both covered what the other was lackin. Rell had a nice story but a little expected. Enickma had a good idea but I tihnk his conclusion couldve come a lot stronger and bolder, felt a little empty to me. Both did a nice job branding and conceivin his story but I think this was too dead even to call a winner here

Vote: Tie